[Flashback]Facing Fear[Nina]

[Jonathan Crane - Scarecrow]

It had already been days….He had transferred the number to a piece of paper and put it near the cord phone on his desk. He’d picked it up 26 times already to call but then put it back down. What was he going to do when she picked up? Saying Hello was something that he normally didn’t do anyway. She must have known that he didn’t have any friends, no one ever spoke to him, but that was the way he’d wanted it, just not with her around. He wasn’t exactly sure what he wanted with her and that was why he was having so much trouble calling.

In all honesty, he never thought he’d get this far.

When he had gotten tired of pacing he finally sat down at his desk. Carefully he started rearranging things like pens, pencils and papers. He couldn’t think without things being where they should be, but they already were. Everything that was on the right he moved to the left and everything that was on the left he moved to the right. What was he doing? Jonathan ran his fingers through his hair and sighed, he was stalling. In his frustrating state of mind he finally started thinking about reasons to call her. The only logical reason to call her would be because he wanted to speak with her, but then he had to come up with the topic of why? The fact that what she had done on the slide previously was so impressive was a reason…Yes, he could justify calling for that. He’d simply ask her, it was that simple.

Jonathan swallowed and picked up the phone, dialing the number slowly with his index finger. On the first ring he almost hung up the phone but he let her pick up before he did that. “Dammit.” He cursed himself under his breath and pushed his hair back again. Why couldn’t he do this? Just pick up the phone and let her say hello. After more cursing he dialed again and let her say the words once more. “Hi” He said shortly and then felt stupid for saying it. He quickly corrected himself to not sound like a 4 year old. “Goodevening…It’s Jonathan…Your classmate.” He paused on the phone waiting for her to respond. Why did he introduce himself like that? He immediately regretted calling at all, he was already feeling sick. It wasn’t as if she was going to do anything anyway.

[Nina Stenet]

When Nina gave him her phone number, she wasn't exactly sure what sort of response she'd get to that. Mostly because she's not completely sure what he meant by his own message, and since she knows that he's a bit... awkward about people that could have meant anything. Perhaps even that he merely wanted to see if he could get her attention - if so, he'd take getting her number as a success but that would be the end of it. So she's not too concerned when she doesn't get a call right away - she's just not that invested in the idea that something will come of it.

Though it does occur to her that he could be nervous about calling and that its simply taking him awhile to get his courage up. Which is something she can accept, so long as the call actually does happen without further prompting from her - if a guy is so nervous that he can't even place a phone call, she sympathizes but she just doesn't have the time and inclination to help someone who would require that much hand holding. She's sure that he'll stumble into a woman at some point (though hopefully not literally this time) who is up to that task if so, but it's not her.

When he finally places the call, it's been long enough though for her to have filed their exchange to somewhere to the back of her mind, so even though she doesn't give her number out very often it doesn't immediately occur to her that it would be him when the caller ID indicates a number she doesn't recognize. She answers, but almost immediately the call has ended so she frowns at the phone and puts it down. Wrong number, probably... Though when it rings again just a moment later from the same number, that kills that theory.

"Hello, can I help you?" she answers the phone again. Happily, this time the person on the other end actually responds. Though when he gives her only his first name, it's actually quite helpful when he clarifies - she doesn't really know any other Jonathans in spite of the commonness of the name, but she's not going to place him immediately from that name alone. "Oh, that Jonathan! Hi!" she replies, the smile very evident in her voice as she adds, "I guess this means you got my reply."

[Jonathan Crane - Scarecrow]

He almost hung up. The moment he heard her voice again the phone almost went right back to the clicker. He could hang it up and never call her again and he could show up in class with her and never speak to her, never look at her again. She probably wouldn’t even notice or mind, she’d probably be thankful he gave her the chance to escape him. As the idea mulled over in his mind he noticed there was silence, she was waiting for him to respond.

“Yes!…Yes I did.” He answered and then cleared his throat. He had to come up with something else to say now. “It was impressive, what you did in such a short amount of time…” He tried to compliment her but felt like he failed. He’d never been good with compliments in the first place. How she did it in the first place was still a conundrum to him. Doing something that required that precision and that amount of time was something that he expected out of himself but not others and even he thought it was beyond him.

He swallowed and tried to continue the conversation as his eyes bounced around his office at home. “It was amazing actually….I didn’t even see you do it…Or can imagine how you did it, but you certainly did.” he fumbled around the question before he just flat out decided to ask another one. “I was actually calling to ask you if…perhaps you wanted that cup of coffee after all..” He asked without really asking it. He was referring to their previous conversation where she had left so quickly.

He didn’t know why she would say yes, but then again he didn’t know why she would give him her phone number. If anything it was worth the try to get her attention further. She had just been so quick to leave the first time, but perhaps he had actually grasped some sort of tangible attention from her…Whether it would be genuine was yet to be seen.

[Nina Stenet]

Knowing that he can't see it, Nina doesn't hold back on the amused grin that comes to her face as he mentions what she did. Though she's certainly not going to tell him how she did it - instead she forces her voice to be serious as she comments, "Well, I can't believe that you did it too - I mean, I'm sure you didn't do it the way I did it, and it must have taken hours, but to do it at all..." She leaves the compliment unfinished, simply acknowledging the fact that - in spite of the fact that her own effort in a way completely overshadowed his - she noticed and was impressed by what he did.

The pause after his question is overly long - partly because she doesn't remember him mentioning 'that cup of coffee', but mostly because it actually takes her a moment to decide if she does want it or not. "Oh! Um, okay. Sure! When?" she finally answers, verbally stumbling through her response as she decides to accept and then grows more confident in that decision. Yeah, why not? He's not the type of guy that she normally goes out with - in fact, she's not been especially interested in dating lately - but then again if he's willing to work so hard to get her attention then he deserves a shot at least.

[Jonathan Crane - Scarecrow]

He pulled the phone away from his ear and stared forward for a brief moment, but it felt like an eternity. What was he doing? Didn’t he have something to do with his life than set up a meeting with someone whom could never be with him? Someone that would never care? There was a cold distance in his eyes as he thought about the past and how it had all gone so wrong before. Nothing good had ever come out of this and as he saw more of the world and grew up more in it, the evidence in front of him only made it truer with time.

When her voice came to his ear he pulled it back and became even more still as he thought about what was supposed to be a compliment. He knew how she had meant it and exactly how one of a normal society was supposed to take it, but he rarely ever found anything to be that genuine. The only other option is that it was not genuine and she was looking for something to say to what he said. That was most likely the answer and he would keep that in mind.

When he had tried to ask her the first time he had meant to ask her to coffee, but after he asked he couldn’t remember if the words actually left his mouth or not. She had jumbled his thoughts so much it was difficult to even remember where he was standing. The thought made him tense and tighten his fingers around the phone; he shouldn’t let something affect him like that. Now he probably sounded like an idiot to her. But then he realized she was actually expecting an answer from him.

“Tomorrow at noon?” He asked just waiting for her to turn it down. He almost said no until he caught a glance at the outdoors. Now would have been too soon he thought. But how would it have been too soon? What if tomorrow was too late? He should have went with his first idea. He wanted to say more about what she had done in class but it would have to wait until they met. At least he would be going in with something to talk about then, if he wasted it here on the phone he’d have nothing else to say.

[Nina Stenet]

Noon, tomorrow? Nina has to pause to think on that one. Actually, all things considered she'd have rather that he'd picked a later date so that she could fit it better into her schedule - she's already planned out her day tomorrow. Then again, the only thing she's doing tomorrow that can't be rearranged is her morning classes, but she'll be finished by noon and all she was planning to do then was to have a study lunch. She does need to study, but that could be at any time, and she doesn't have to hang out with her friends that evening... Of course, if the date is a real disaster and she comes home earlier than expected then she won't really have to rearrange anything at all.

"Yeah, that can work," she finally says, "Did you want to pick me up? Or, if you have a specific place in mind I could meet you there." Given the pros and cons of those options, she has a definite preference, but then again the way he talks to her makes her feel like perhaps it would be unkind of her to throw around her opinions around him too forcefully. Instead she feels the need to try and help him out by letting him take more of the lead.

[Jonathan Crane - Scarecrow]

jonathan hadn't put much thought into the time to meet her. He didn't want her to change her mind about going with him so he had kind of put her on the spot. He felt so awkward in these situations and his stomach flipped and turned as she contemplated the time. When she accepted he felt a weight come off of him, but again another question.

Why did everything involving relationships have to be so much back and forth? He would be find completely controlling every aspect in it. But he had no practice with that either. Had he actually ever been on a date? One time came to mind but before it coups dominate his thoughts he quickly pushed it away. Researchers always tested something more than once, it was the only way to affirm his thoughts.

He swallowed and tried to think of an answer through the sudden silence after her question. We can meet at the Rose Café. Will that be acceptable for you or do you need transportation?" He asked putting a suggestion in the air but giving her most of the control on what he did. He left the option safe and neutral. If he picked her up he wouldn't even know what to say. Normally he didn't care to speak in a car but in this situation he would feel obligated. But most likely she would agree with him to meet through diefferent forms of transportation. He would walk to the café as he always did when he felt like studying there. It was a very open place, busy and bustling. But he want choosing it for her comfort, though he was sure she probably appreciated not being alone with him.

[Forgive length and error. Done on tablet in airport]

[Nina Stenet]

"Oh, that's fine, I have a car," Nina replies easily. When she announced her decision to go to medical school, her parents had been rather quick to show their full support by going out and buying a new car... for themselves. She got one they replaced - an old, beat up economy coupe whose best days are far behind it, but it still runs and that's the important part. And she's all too happy to drive it to the café - that means that it'll be immediately available if she has to bail out of the date.

"Alright, so I'll see you then!" she says, managing to sound enthusiastic in spite of her more pessimistic thoughts. Those thoughts are just a smaller fraction of the whole, though - far more of her simply has no idea what to expect and is therefore open to seeing what happens. "Have a good one until then!" she adds, now emphasizing the point that this conversation is now over. Mostly because it's awkward and she suspects that neither of them is enjoying it. Actually talking to him in person should be easier. ...In theory. She only waits long enough for him to acknowledge that last statement before she hangs up the phone.

---

Like any young woman, Nina pays more or less attention to how good she looks for a date depending on how important the date is to her. In this case, Nina looks herself over after her morning classes and decides what she's wearing - a pair of khaki pants with a dark purple button-up shirt and a pair of rather plain brown slip-ons - is good enough. Her date can figure out whether that's a good thing or a bad thing later... She does take a moment to make sure that her characteristic ponytail and light make-up hasn't gotten too out of shape, but she spends most of the time between her classes and her date taking care of other things.

Arriving at the café a minute or two early, when she steps inside she immediately starts skimming through the crowd to see if he's already arrived. Since it's lunchtime the place is crowded so that takes a moment, even skipping the people sitting in groups - she figures he wouldn't be among any of those.

[Jonathan Crane - Scarecrow]

If her enthusiasm was trying to reach him through the phone it didn’t. He felt she said it rushed, like she just wanted the phone call to be over. Perhaps she was nervous? The thought that she was nervous felt way better than the thought of him actually being nervous. He hung up the phone shortly after she did and sighed. It was going to be a long night of planning exactly how he wanted this to go. At the moment he was having difficulty figuring out what he wanted.

After a night of pacing and figuring out what he was going to do he had went back to studying for his upcoming finals for the year. Although his mind was wrapped in the text he kept a close watch on the time. Time was something that easily escaped him if he let it, he made it a point to never sleep for very long. He might have nodded off once or twice during his studies, but only for a few minutes before he was awake and reading again.

Jonathan had arrived at the café before Miss Stenet did. He had already ordered his coffee and was sitting at a table a few rows down for the door, but still close enough to remain in sight. His fingers laces around the lid of his cup and motioned in small circles as the minutes ticked by. She wasn’t late yet, but it was almost noon. Why was he sitting here? He looked down at his patched suit, not exactly casual ware but not dress appropriately either. He never really took into account what was appropriate attire for a meeting like this.

He looked up from his cup just long enough to see her standing there. He paused, thought about why he was sitting here again before he finally raised his hand and waved her down slowly. His coffee felt colder in his hands at that moment, or maybe he had simply let it get cold. When she walked up he studied her awkwardly before he ever actually spoke. The long pause of silence finally hit him and he managed to smile at her briefly. “Good after noon Miss Stenet.” He greeted her as she took her seat. “Order whatever you like don’t worry about it.” He said awkwardly, trying to tell her he’d pick it up for her regardless of what she got.

[Nina Stenet]

Is Nina nervous? Yes, of course. But not extremely so - she's not too worried about what happens if this date doesn't go well. She's not really looking for a boyfriend right now, so it's not like her hopes and dreams will be crushed if it's all a disaster - she'll simply shrug and move on. No, her nervousness is simply because Crane is an unknown so she has no earthly idea what will happen - it could be anything. And while past experience with other first dates has taught her some outcomes are more likely than others, it's difficult to predict the odds in this case because she simply doesn't know him very well at all.

Spotting the waving hand, a light smile comes to Nina's face as she approaches the table and mentally reflects that already things would have to go really badly for this date to even be in contention as her official worst date ever. Because at least he hasn't stood her up. Well, and then there was that date with Marshall which she's pretty sure would have been improved if he'd never come at all, but that's another story.

"Hi!" she greets him brightly, taking a seat as he says she can have anything. "Oh, okay!" she responds as she picks up the menu and begins to peruse it. "You can call me Nina, by the way - 'Miss Stenet' sounds so formal," she adds, glancing at him as she does so before her eyes go right back to the menu. The waitress, having spotted Nina coming in, is quickly at their table and asking her for a drink order. "Can I get the hot apple spice?" she asks, not having to ponder her options for more than an instant before choosing. The waitress writes it down and leaves the table again.

With that part of the proceedings accomplished, her attention turns more towards the young man across the table - she can mull around the idea of just how much food she's hungry for and of what variety while talking to him with no problem at all. She's certainly not going to take too much advantage of his generous offer - almost any college student leaps at the change to get food paid for by someone else, and she's no exception, but she's not going to order more food than she intends to eat and she's only so hungry right now.

"So I have to ask," she begins, obviously starting with a pre-planned question, "If you wanted my attention, why mess with my slide instead of... doing anything else? And why me?" Her tone is curious, but there's also definitely a pleased tone to it - she was flattered that he did something that required so much effort.

[Jonathan Crane - Scarecrow]

Jonathan would never admit that he really had no idea what he was doing. But he really had no idea what he was doing. Why was he here again? He watched her sit and deny him the formal nature to her name. He couldn’t do anything but nod is response, he would honor that, however awkward it was for him. He would call her Nina then, even if it was uncomfortable. She could call him Jonathan he supposed, that was what people did when they knew each other right?

The fact that he had made it this far was not by accident. He had made it through the world with minimal interaction. He stood up in his classes, he gave answers, he wrote thesis, he presented presentations and gave speeches. There was never a time where he had trouble speaking to others and listening to him. The problem came when it started to go beyond that. When someone tried to make education or business personal. That was where he would shut the door. He didn’t want friends, he didn’t need them. But Miss Stenet…..Nina….He wanted something different with.

When the waitress took her order Jonathan waited patiently. He already had his cup of coffee but he hadn’t touched it very much. He would take a sip now that she was here, every now and then. Each sip made his stomach twist a bit, he never could keep much down. But he didn’t want to seem like he wasn’t trying to have coffee with her or was just trying to leave as soon as possible. When the waitress left he caught her gaze and held it. He knew she was going to ask him a question and his stomach twisted again.

Why did he go about doing it the way he did? Was that a normal question? But her attachment at the end fixed it. She was curious about both details. He could have went into a lecture about why he felt, but the moment he tried to find words for it they left him completely. He brought his hand to his jaw and rubbed it while he thought about it. He wanted to choose his words carefully for her.

“Because I wanted to get your attention.” He said simply, which was the easiest and most honest answer. He gave her more credit than being so simple that her attention could have been grabbed by just anything. He needed to get her attention and hold it, so he did what he knew would hold her attention. “No simple gesture would have done so because you’re not a simple woman.” He clarified for her further and swallowed to try and find her next answer. Why? Why did he want her here? Why her and no one else around him.

“Because you saw me.” He said more cryptically than anything, he didn’t know how that would sound to her though. He had originally expected her to just walk on and not say a word to him, that’s what anyone else would have done. They would just quickly speed up to their car and try to get away from the strange ghost that sat in the back of the classroom and kept to himself.

[Nina Stenet]

When Nina first discovered her gift, she could have taken the fact that she had one to mean many different things. She could have taken it as proof that she's special and better than everyone else, allowing it to make her feel superior over everyone. But she'd been too quick to recognize that, while she was probably born with the ability (a theory that she's been attempting to confirm or disprove), whatever the cause had been it was a matter of luck for her. Did she ever do anything to earn and deserve it? No. If anything, she takes the fact that she has a gift as proof of the idea that sometimes the most ordinary people can do extraordinary things.

Things that they don't necessarily feel qualified to be doing. Fate has handed her the ability to do what she knows are outright miracles with her gift, especially if she continues to study and begin to understand to a greater degree what she's doing with it, and she feels inadequate to the task of deciding what the best use of it is. Then again, it's also extremely difficult to find anyone that she trusts more than herself to know better than she does. Especially since she's incredibly worried about what might happen if the wrong person found out about it. So she's been thrust into a position of potentially great power, and rather than becoming arrogant she's humbled by it.

Not that she has a poor sense of self-esteem. If anything, her gift has helped her gain more self-confidence than she probably would have otherwise. No, she simply views herself as someone who is not that special except that she happens to be able to do some special things. Which is why she's both easily flattered by Jonathan's words, but also quick to believe that he's unfairly placed her on a pedestal. "Oh, you didn't have to go to that extreme," she quickly protests, though she's not sure what to say to that other than that.

Come to think of it, maybe she would have not taken much note of him if he'd done something smaller - he strikes her as rather withdrawn and she's very much focused on her studies right now. Their conversation a couple days ago was half forgotten before she was halfway to her car, for example. He'd have had to do better than a bit of halting conversation to leave much of an impression. And it may be true that, if the idea of a bolder conversation was out of the question, the slide was the 'better' thing that he'd come up with. It certainly worked!

The answer to the second part of her question causes her to frown. But before she can respond the waitress has returned with her drink. Thanking her for it, Nina orders a BLT - that sounds very satisfying to her right now. Once the waitress writes that down and moves along, Nina finally can get back to her conversation with Jonathan.

"What do you mean, 'saw you'?" she asks after quickly remembering what they were talking about, "Who doesn't see you? I mean you're not exactly invisible." She actually has a hunch about what he really meant by that, but she wants him to confirm it. Mostly because she has a hard time believing that it's true.

[Jonathan Crane - Scarecrow]

He knew he didn’t have to go to that express what he wanted to tell her, but he didn’t know any other way to do it. He wanted to get her attention and the only way that he was going to be able to do that was catch her eye in something she was already interested in. He had tried just catching her normally and she had stopped. She stopped for a moment to look his way and respond. Although his request was turned down he had still gotten her attention and even more, a response. It was more than he had ever expected to get from her. She should have just walked away and ignored him.

That was what everyone did and he expected her to do the same. Even sitting here at the table, staring directly at her it was in the back of his mind. She was sitting there, deciding when she was going to get up and leave him at the table, offended at something he said or using an excuse to slip away. He imagined that she’d make up an emergency to leave quickly and he’d never see her again. He would become invisible to her once more.

When she asked for clarification on his answer he took a pause to choose his words carefully. She said that he wasn’t invisible, but she didn’t know what she was talking about. To her, he wasn’t invisible, which was something he’d noticed. It was one of the few reasons he was drawn to her. But to the world? He was invisible. It wasn’t something that he didn’t care for. Jonathan enjoyed the solitude and the peace that he was given because of it. The world avoided him because they didn’t understand him, he was strange and withdrawn. It was the way that it had always been and he accepted it as the truth. Over time, he began to mind it less and less as he found people in general bothered him more and more.

Nina was an exception in this case simply because she was different from the others. If he began to list the ways, he didn’t know if he would be able to stop due to finding more with each time she spoke. It was something that he wasn’t even completely sure of himself. Every second that the date continued he came up with more questions as to why he was sitting here. This all still seemed impossible to him that she would want interaction of any kind. “Who doesn’t see me isn’t important, it’s who does that matters.” He answered but then realized he hadn’t really answered her question. “ People are afraid of what they don’t understand… They avoid me. ” He grouped the general population into they. It had become so common that he felt like he could. He doubted that even she would be able to argue against the fact.

Before he finally pursued her, did she ever actually see him before?

[Nina Stenet]

One interesting quirk of most people is that they tend to assume that they think and act like most people do until something happens to prove otherwise. This is true even for people who have had ample evidence that they're highly abnormal and a long list of ways they already know that they're different from everyone else - surely their viewpoint is shared by almost everyone else on everything else, right? And that's how it is for Nina, who really doesn't view herself as being that different from the average person, and who is now being told that the fact that she behaved differently toward Jonathan than most people do. Her first reaction to that idea is skepticism.

Because while she'd be very quick to agree that he's withdrawn and could perhaps be described as strange, she certainly doesn't see that as a reason to avoid him. While there's the kind of withdrawn and strange person who anyone with any sense would avoid, like your stereotypical creepy homeless guy in a dark alley who talks to himself and probably has a knife ready to stab into the next person who says hello, she certainly hasn't gotten that vibe from him. He's her classmate, after all - he may not speak up very much in class, but she knows him, kind of. He's never really given her a reason to avoid him.

And she'd assume that nobody else would see that as a reason to avoid him either. So she ventures forth her own opinion. "Do they avoid you, or do you avoid them? I mean, I'm having trouble believing that they don't see you - you're not an unattractive guy, you know. Maybe you didn't notice that they did," she comments before sipping her drink, her tone making that merely a idea to think about. Yes, she knows that there's numerous young women that wouldn't give a shy guy the time of day, but surely there's plenty others like her who would.

In fact, while she considers herself to be fairly normal, she's made friends with plenty of 'weird' people - especially in high school - and her small pool of college friends aren't exactly the 'popular' crowd either. In fact, she tends to prefer less mainstream people - they're more interesting. Jonathan seems to her to be much like those others that she's met, if perhaps to a greater extreme in some personality traits.

[Jonathan Crane - Scarecrow]

If someone were to tell Jonathan that his views on how others saw him was his own projections coming back at him he would have protested to the fact. He knew psychology quite well, it was his major after all and he knew all of the inwards and outwards. The problem with that theory and him was that he was very different from others and they would notice without him ever even looking in their direction. It wasn’t as if this notion had just hit him one day, it took a long time of observation. So when Nina did take the time to actually see him, it was different, so different it pulled his attention over the line.

But he wouldn’t deny to being withdrawn himself. He didn’t relate with the people around him. He could understand their thinking and he could bring himself to a sense of connection through what he had learned and knew to be true. The problem came when it stepped over anything but professionalism. No one was able to get close, because he didn’t want them to. What was the point of getting close to another except to allow them to do more damage than they’d already done by interrupting your life?

Only in her case did he make the exception.

But what she said next “nearly” shocked him. He became still, looking dumbfounded at her statement. He focused on that part so much he couldn’t remember what she asked right before it. Did she call him? Attractive? Did she give him a compliment at all? Was it meant to be a compliment or was she making fun of the situation? He couldn’t find a way around it and the result left him nearly in awe. He’d never been called that before, especially by someone he took anywhere.

He considered himself anything but shy. Jonathan was very direct when he needed to be, he shut down around those that tried to push over what he was doing or get in his way of finishing school. In group projects he ended up alone most of the time or doing all of the work for his partner whether they wanted him to or not….he didn’t give them much of a choice. He didn’t want to work with someone that had the potential to influence his performance, it would always be a downgrade. But when it came to her…It wasn’t a fair assessment to begin with.

Her question suddenly snapped into his mind again and he stammered around it before answering “I am quite certain that they don’t see me as I am. But you were different.” He swallowed and tapped his fingers on his coffee again. He felt like he could almost drink it at this point.