The Dead Man's Answer [Joker]

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Batman stood at the top of a high rise office building and scanned the streets with high powered binoculars. Lately Gotham City had been humming with activity, but strangely things had been quiet for Batman. That never made sense. The city was always on the verge of one crimelord or the other making a big move.

There...

Batman focused his attention on a strange looking sedan moving through the streets. Any person who would paint their car bright purple could be expected to drive like a fool who would paint his car purple, but there was something too deliberate about the way he cut people off. Like he was waiting for the right moment to cause as many problems as possible. Traffic was stacking up behind him as cars constantly tried to compensate for the poor driver. 

He pressed a button in his cowl to activate his radio and sent a signal out that would alert Alfred to go into the cave. It was time to start investigating, and he needed all of his resources at hand. "Alfred, I'm going to put a tag on that car. I need you to let me know where it's headed."

Batman fired off one of his grappling guns and attached the line to his utility belt, freeing both hands. He swung down towards the city streets, the wind whistling through his ears as he reached the vertex of his descent, right above the dangerous purple car. 

He released a small electronic tag that magnetically attached itself to the side of the car and swung away, keeping his eyes on the bug to make sure that it had successfully attached. He released the rope from his belt and fired another grapple towards Wayne Tower, allowing himself to ascend several stories before perching upon an architectural embellishment and resume his watch over the city from an unseen vantage point. Now he had to wait for Alfred to report the movements of this vehicle and decide whether it was a threat or not. He moved around Wayne Tower to keep the car within his sight, even as he allowed it to drift further away. He was thankful that this monolith of a building had been built before Bruce Wayne pressured Gotham's city council to put a cap on the height of buildings in the city. It gave him a very advantageous point of view over the rest of Gotham City that he found himself utilizing often.

[Deleted]

"JESUS H!"

He screamed, slamming his hands against the steering wheel. That was the third home invasion this week. This was not how the game was supposed to be played. He was ruining everything! For years the two of them had been locked into battle with one another, Joker would kill a few meatbags and then Batsy would beat the living shit out of him and get a standing ovation from The Public Gallery. Though, it was as if his dance parter, his soul mate in fact, had become tired of him, maybe they had lost the spark in their relationship? 

No. He musn't be thinking of such things. He had to think. How would he get the big man's attention? There had to be some way. He assumed that a series of home invasions, the murder of various families would draw the once great detective out of hiding, make the flying rodent catch on that they were all related, come find him, he'd use some of his new material on the old dark n' gloomy fellow, he'd get the crap kicked out of him, he'd release six jackals he'd bought from a certain broker on the masked man, perhaps killing him, but if he didn't, he'd then escape. Yes, he planned to escape this time rather than go on back to his cell. He couldn't afford that at this stage of the game. 

He had to forget all that though. That plan didn't work. Though it was amazing. He had to think of something new. The Clown really couldn't handle the sleepless nights, wondering if someone else was torturing and killing his dearly beloved Bat-Boob. That right was his, and his alone, and The grinning man would be damned if he was going to let some two bit villainous wannabes like Two-Face and Riddler take his beautiful, beautiful bat from him. 

"Oh! Oh! I've got it! Perhaps I could get a few vultures! Then...Wait...No....Too 'Penguin'."

He rolled his eyes, letting out a groan as he weaved in and out of traffic. Horns were honking at him, too which he responded too by screaming various profanity and vulgar slurs at these people inside his car. Not that they could hear him. It was at this point, in the thick of all his frustration, that he heard the muffled sounds from the backseat once again. His eye twitched and his nostrils flared as he looked over his shoulder into the back seat, still driving as fast as he could, cars now wheeling out of his way. 

"Oh, shut up you! EVERYTHING THAT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN TO YOU IS YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT!"

Joker reached over to the main console and clicked in the cigarette lighter, thus heating it up. At that point, the man in the back seat, beaten and bruised with duct tape over his mouth, must have managed to get said duct tape off using his tongue, seeing as though he began to speak. Screaming for help, (Which only pissed the usually happy clown off just that much more), and even asking what he did to deserve such cruel treatment. At that, The Joker let out a frustrated scream, as he pulled up to a red light and came to a complete stop. He was an angry driver, but not a reckless driver. There was a difference. He was sure of it. 

"What did you do....? WHAT DID YOU DO!? I TOLD YOU TO GET MY CAR A NEW PAINT JOB! DID I SAY PURPLE!? NO! IT WAS BLACK BEFORE! BLACK! BLACK! BLACK!"

The Smiling Man began to go into a fit of anger at that point, jumping up and down in his seat, screaming. This night was not going how he hoped. Not only did he not get to see The Big Man, but he had to put up wit this pathetic ignoramus. 

"People must think I'm a psycho! What kind've idiot paints his car purple? This isn't the Golden Age!"

At that, the man looked up, wrapped in duct tape from toe to neck, his head was free. The man furrowed a brow. 

"Golden Age? What?"

"Er, nothing. Shut up."

The lighter popped up, showing it was ready as he pulled away from the red light. They were getting close to their destination. Most of his goons had taken the night off, but the few that were still on, headed back to the mansion That the Clown had set up temporary shop in. Luckily, no one knew about it but said goons and Harley, and he planned on keeping it that way. Now, however, Joker was headed to an old warehouse. Yes, cliche', but it was where he kept a majority of his old plan blue prints, and he needed to dig a few out. The man in the back seat was still screaming. 

"Oh, for the love of god, you're just pathetic. Your screams for help aren't even funny right now. You really did pick a bad day to be a complete idiot."

The Joker grabbed the lighter and reached over his shoulder, pushing it into the man's cheek for a good ten seconds, listening as the volume of the scream became louder. Now he laughed. It wasn't enough to cheer him up, but hey, it didn't hurt. Him.

After a few more minutes, The Clown pulled into a gravel lot, stopped in front of the warehouses loading bay doors, entered, opened them, drove in, got back out of the car, and closed said doors. He then approached the car and opened the back seat. 

"This warehouse has too much evidence, this car is ruined, I'll never be able to look at it the same, and you, you're an idiot. That's why I've decided I'm going to grab what I need and burn the entire place to the ground."

He offered a smile before running over to one of the many filing cabinets in the warehouse. Yes, this entire building was used to house his brilliant schemes. Once carefully plucking out about ten of them, The Joker got to work. He opened up the cars trunk and pushed the other body out of the way. There had been no more room in the grave they dug for the family at the house, so, he opted to bring dear ol' dad with him. The Clown found two jerry cans full of gasoline and got to work, pouring them on the car, around the car and even tossing some onto the walls of the warehouse. 

This was going to be fucking awesome.

[Deleted]

Joker...

Batman felt his fist clench at his side as the Joker opened the trunk of his car and revealed the body of a middle aged man. He didn't need Alfred to tell him that the man was David Jenkins, patriarch of the family found murdered not long ago.

How could he have not seen the handiwork of the Joker? The murders had seemed random, but Batman knew they were connected. He just hadn't been able to see the pattern. Of course, when there's a connection without a pattern there can only be one culprit.

He leapt from the building and let himself enter free fall as he pulled out his line launcher. When the angle was right he raised his arm and fired the line, forming a zip line he could use to safely reach the roof of the warehouse, on which he silently alighted. Why would the Joker be emptying out a warehouse?

Batman stalked across the building until he found a broken skylight, and tossed a bug down into the room when Joker was turned around. 

"...That's why I've decided I'm going to grab what I need and burn the entire place to the ground."

The Joker had always been a man for causing chaos, but Batman usually could see the larger picture. This time it seemed different. It reminded him of the changing M.O. of a serial killer; an experimentation that indicated he was not quite sure where to go next.

Batman could not simply let the Joker burn down this building, and when the Clown pulled out cans of gasoline he knew he had to act. He waited a moment while the Joker moved along the walls of the warehouse emptying his gas and giggling. When he was near enough Batman took his chance and burst through the skylight. He streaked to the ground and landed heavily in a rain of glass.

"That's enough Joker," he said as he straightened up and faced the purple suited monster. "I can't let you burn that man alive."

[Deleted]

"Wait! Wait! Stop C'mon! Please! Stop!"

The man screamed from the back seat of the PURPLE car. The Clown merely started to whistle, having to stop ever couple of seconds and let out a wheezy laugh. The jerry can was empty soon enough, and he found himself throwing it onto the ground of the warehouse. This place was really gonna go up in flames. He truly hadn't caused any carnage like this since he'd gotten out of the looney bin, not that he could remember anyways, but hey, he never really remembered any of the unimportant crimes. Only the ones where his dear, old Bat showed up. 

"Oh, shush darling! I can barely hear myself think about killing you!"

He grinned, looking over at the car. He started to saunter over to said vehicle, reaching into his pocket and unearthing a small pack of matches. He promptly pulled one from the package and struck it, setting the little stick alight. That ghoulish grin slid along his features, as he stared at the car now only ten feet in front of him. The tied man in the back seat was now screaming for dear life, and squirming around. Certainly panicking. The Jester let out a low giggle, arching a single eyebrow. A nostril flared. He was going to enjoy this....

Then, quick as a light being flicked on, a sound erupted from overhead. A sound he'd recognize anytime, anywhere. A sound that brought such a joy to his black, black heart. A sound that just about made him drop the match out of pure and utter excitement.....

The sound of a ridiculously over dramatic entrance.

The tiny shards of glass free fell to the earth below, raining down over him, the giggle erupted into a cackle as the Bat Clad emo dropped to the ground before him, blocking his bee line to the still screaming man. The Clown cocked his head, nodding up and down. In the heat of the moment, it was amazing to see the man he'd been trying so hard to attract these last couple of weeks. His man, in fact. The Bat!

"That's enough Joker. I can't let you burn that man alive."

With those few words, The Joker's grin forced itself into what he could manage of a frown. He glanced at the still burning match, then back at The Bat. He began to shake his head very slowly.

"You mister, have no right to tell me what you can't let me do! You stood me up! Time and time again! This isn't how the game is played, and you know it!" 

The Joker snarled. He wasn't happy anymore. No. Not at all. 

Okay. 

Maybe he was a tad happy. 

But only because The Batman finally showed up, after all this time, Bat-Boob had shown up. Sure, it wasn't at the point he'd wanted him to show up. The circumstances weren't great, he was going to have to really dig deep to get out of this situation, and, to top it off, there was a raving lunatic having a psychotic break down in the back seat of a car merely ten feet away. However, despite the fact that he was happy to see the Bat, he couldn't show it. Not yet anyway. 

"Where were you anyways? Off breaking some other super villains collar bone!? I thought what he had was different from all the others, Batsy. I didn't think I was just some....Riddler, or Two-Face. I thought I was your arch nemesis!"