House-warming party. {Harley}

[Deleted]

Eight Times.

He had rung the doorbell eight times, then laughed like a hyena as he dove into a nearby bush, hid behind a hedge, ran around to the back of the house, and a few other variations of those hiding spots, and each time, the butler had come to the door, opened it, spewed some profanity, then ran out onto the large stretch of front lawn and screamed out that he would call the cops on the supposed hooligans, waving a broom, a kitchen knife, a crowbar. It seemed the fat butler was searching through the house for any sort of frightening makeshift weapon he could find, which, in turn, forced The Joker to laugh it off, as he did with most other things. 

Now however, the game was over, he felt bad for the butler in fact. As The Clown stood out on the lawn, standing beside his little band of merry men, his gang, his posse, his group, he could hear the houses owners screaming at the help. They were tired of the doorbell ringing, they were tired of the games, so, that decided it. The fun was had, though now, it was time too stop. As a performer, he knew when the routine was washed out, he'd just have to put it down like a horse. 

A group of ten men stood around him, all clad in their respective clothes, some reeked of alcohol, he really was scraping the bottom of the barrel these days. It was hard to find quality goons in Gotham lately, it really seemed as though all of the good muscle was taken by already established gangs or by crime bosses such as The Penguin, Harvey, Falcone, and oh, how could he forget? Harvey as well. Though we're getting off topic, all ten men all wore a clown mask, or had their face painted. He gave his recruits the option generally, he'd had it before where hired muscle had dropped dead from applying the grease paint. Who'd a thunk it? Allergies to face paint? 

He hopped up the steps, his men remaining at the bottom of said steps, they knew when too follow and when not too, so instead they merely observed, some took pulls on their cigarette's, some played on their phones for christ sakes, they knew this wouldn't be any trouble, and they knew to let the laughing man have his fun. 

He rung the doorbell four times, grinning wide and letting out a slight giggle. 

"KNOCK-KNOCK!"

He called out loudly. His revolver was tucked into the waistband of his trousers, and in his hand? A switchblade. It was light, and easy to handle. Just how he liked it. It took a few moments, but the door finally opened. 

"YOU FUCKIN' KIDS-"

The butler stopped midsentence, dropping the hatchet in his hand. The Joker's grin widened, stretching from ear-to-ear. 

"You're supposed to say 'who's there?'."

He bit his bottom lip slightly, his eyes narrowing at the old man before he lunged his arm forward, the blade sliding into his neck effortlessly and spraying fluids onto his orange button-up shirt. The body fell momentarily, and he flicked the switch closed, shoving it into his pocket as he pulled the revolver from his trousers, picking up the hatchet with his free hand. 

"Come on in boyzzz! We'z gotz decoratin' t' do!"

He called out. The men began to hoot and hollar, sprinting into the house, passed him and running amuck through the home. As The Clown entered, he could hear smashing and crashing from every direction of the house, laughter emanated and filled his ears, and the screams of a rich and privileged couple made him smirk.  He entered the living room only to see the man dead, a bullet to the chest, and he had entered just in time to see the woman being dragged off, thrashing about in every which way. 

"Home sweet home."

He stated aloud, plopping himself down in a reclining chair right beside the fireplace, which was burning bright. Before him, Anthony, his right-hand-man and personal driver pulled off his clown mask, allowing his brown greasy hair to fall down over his face. He wasn't an animal like the rest of them, he was loyal. 

"Y'know, Ants, it's nice, but it's missing something..."

He raised a green eyebrow and peered up at the man, intertwining his fingers and smiling a big toothy grin, allowing those yellowing buggers and those bright red gums to show, he stared as if he was expecting Anthony to read his mind. 

"Is it sir...?"

He finally replied. 

"Yepperz. It's missing a woman's touch! And I know just the woman! Harley should be back at the old clubhouse, most likely. Be a lad an' go pick her up, will you?"

Anthony nodded, placing the clown mask back on and setting out for the door. 

"Oh! And Ants...?"

Joker called after the man, who in turn, promptly halted and pivoted on his heel, awaiting his boss's words. 

"Pick up a few cans of spray cheese on the way back. You know how I get when I'm hungry."

He grinned and nodded. Anthony nodded his acknowledgement back and turned, setting out for the door. As much as he hated to admit it, he actually kind've missed his Hench-Wench.

[Deleted]

Stuck at an empty old clubhouse, aside from a few stray mobsters Joker left behind, Harley Quinn sits on the steps outside, lost inside her own mind, a thousand thoughts running through her head at once. With her head in the clouds, she snaps out of her little daydream as a single drop of rain falls from the sky above, landing on her painted nose. She inhales a deep breath, allowing a short sigh to escape her lipstick-coated mouth – Harley misses Joker, a lot. That’s quite the understatement, but there are not really any words to describe how she feels about how long Joker has been gone. It hasn’t even been that long, really, but it feels like an eternity.

More raindrops fall from the sky, the rain is starting, and here Harley is just sitting outside in her exposing trademark outfit. Not exactly the kind of clothes that’ll keep her warm on a day like today. Her thoughts return to the back of her mind and her boredom disappears as she hears the sound of a car rolling up in front of her. She knows that car anywhere, it’s Anthony’s car. What does he want? The door opens, and to nobody’s surprise, Anthony steps out from the driver’s seat. “Uh, Miss Quinn? I’m here to pick you up.”

“Pick me up?” Harley says with a hint of confusion, pouting her lips as her eyebrows lower. “What do I look like to ya? Some kinda escort!?” She stomps her feet against the ground below with each step she takes towards Anthony, grabbing him by the material of his jacket, pulling him close to her as she grits her teeth. “Give me a reason why I shouldn’t knock your teeth out for that!” Anthony’s eyes are wide, taken a bit back with surprise. “Whoa, Miss Quinn, relax. It’s nothing like that! Joker sent me to get you.”

“Mistah J!?” The sound of her voice immediately changes, she releases her grip on his jacket, clasping her hands together and holding them up to the side of her face, letting out a happy sigh. “Oh, it’s been so long puddin’! We’ll be together again soon!” Before Anthony even has the chance to open the passenger door for her, she pushes him aside and grabs the handle to tug the door open, hopping into the seat next to the drivers. “Well, whatcha waitin’ for!? Get to drivin’!”

Anthony closes the door, rolling his eyes as he walks back around the car and gets back into the driver’s seat then shuts the door afterwards. He starts up the engine, steering as he begins to put the car into motion. “Oh, right. Joker asked me to stop by the convenience store and get him some…spray cheese, I think? Yeah.” Harley looks over to him, a look of disgust on her face. “Nuh-uh! You’re gonna take me straight to Mistah J!” A drop of sweat runs down the forehead of Anthony, he stumbles over his words for a moment and clears his throat. “M-Miss Quinn…I can’t let down Joker, he’ll kill me, or worse…please, it won’t take long.”

“Hmm…” She taps her chin with her index finger, eyes looking up to the top of the car. “Miss Quinn, please, I beg you…” Folding her arms across her chest and sitting back in her chair, Harley looks straight forward to watch the road they’re driving on. “Fine! But make it fast, bozo! I ain’t got all day! I want to be with Mistah J!” A sigh of relief, Anthony increases the speed of his driving, wanting to refrain from making her mad. “Thank you, Miss Quinn! I’ll be as fast as possible.”

Before long, the car comes to a stop, they’re outside a small convenience store, and Anthony quickly opens the door, stepping out and sprinting in, not even closing the door behind him. Harley leans back in her chair, pulling the little lever that makes the chair move back, kicking her feet up onto the dashboard, getting comfortable. She plays around with the radio a bit to get nothing but static. Cheap and pretty much busted, what a waste. It takes around five minutes, but to Harley, it feels like it’s been twenty. Anthony quickly comes back with a plastic bag filled with spray cheese, a case of alcoholic beverages and a…pie? As well as a magazine that can’t quite be made out.

“Took ya long enough! Get movin’!” Nodding his head and starting up the engine, Anthony shuts the door and puts the bag down between him and Harley, stepping down on the pedal. The hench-wench looks inside the bag, looking at the contents to find the magazine is a playboy mag, Harley rolls her eyes, pulling out the magazine and opening it up to look at the contents. “Is this for Mistah J!? Does he want to look at other women, huh!?” Anthony glances over, shaking his head almost violently as he gives a nervous chuckle. “A-actually, nah…that’s for me…can you please put it back, Miss Quinn?”

“Pig.” Harley rolls the magazine up, sliding it into her pocket, the journey seems like it has been going on for an hour. “How much longer?” Anthony checks what street they’re on, turning the wheel to take a right turn as they draw closer to their destination. “’Bout a minute.”

Just as he says, they drive up to a house Harley doesn’t recognize, but she doesn’t question it. “Finally!” She opens the door to the car, getting out and jogging up to the door, throwing her leg out and kicking it open with a loud bang, hopefully not attracting any nearby attention. The first things she notices is a lit fireplace and a very recognizable green haired man sitting in a chair. “Oh, puddin’!” Harley runs towards him, the playboy magazine still sticking out from her pocket and Anthony just coming in the door behind her. What feels like a lifetime of waiting to see him again is finally over.

[Deleted]

Soon after Anthony had left, Joker had gotten restless, as he usually does. At first, he merely took a tour of his new home, ordered a few of his men to get cleaning. They truly had made a mess, and he wasn't happy about it. They really had no respect, but hey, why would they? It's not like they were paying the mortgage!

After raiding the family fridge, drinking half a gallon of chocolate milk, a box of chocolate chip cookies and a left over taco The Clown was even more bored. A few minutes passed of The Joker, simply throwing his gun into the air, allowing it to spin and then catching it by the handle, though that wasn't very fun, so he had one of the goons he'd brought with him stand on the other side of the living room with an apple on his head. (He had a whole bag of them. This could go one for a while.) Six apples were quickly dispatched, and sadly enough, not a single goon, so The Clown merely sent a hunk of lead into the goon's head anyways. It was then, at that very moment, that he heard the woman scream from upstairs. 

"How could I forget?"

He thought aloud, a wide grin sliding along his face. He stuffed the revolver into the waistband of his trousers and skipped up the stairs quickly. This was going to be fun, he hadn't done something like this in quite a while. Once at the top of the stairs, he approached a single door, that was of course closed, and did the 'shave and a haircut' knock. 

"YOO-HOO! Daddy's comin' in! Everyone better be decent!"

With that, he pushed the door open and stepped in. It reeked of blood, sweat and tears. (Among other bodily fluids). The Joker reached up and squeezed his nose, frowning as he did so, these men were so disgustingly human. He hated it, and he hated them. 

"Pee-Yoo! Boys, get on out and head downstairs, open the front door, I've got a game!"

The large group of men did as he said, all exiting the room, the thumps of their feet running down the stairs could still be heard, along with their high fives and rejoice at the events that had just transpired in the room. The Joker approached the woman, who sat with her knees curled up to her chest on the bed, clad in a summer dress. He sat down beside her, and she recoiled, though he quickly placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, calm down, it's alright."

He offered a grin, before standing and gesturing her up. She quickly did. Together, they exited the room and went downstairs. It was there that Joker lead her out the front door, staring at the large stretch of lawn before them. He turned to the woman. 

"I'm going to count to ten, and you're going to run as far and fast as you can, before I start shooting."

He instructed, his grin widening as he pulled the revolver from his pants. He flicked it open to show her only one bullet was loaded into the six shooter. He nodded vigorously as his men, who all stood and watched, chuckled. She shook her head in disbelief as he mouthed the word "One."At that, she started sprinting, a limp in her step. 

"Hey, she's walking funny...."

He turned to his men.

"Impressive on your part."

The men all laughed as he said "Two" Aloud. He paused and raised his gun, she had to be twenty of twenty five yards out, maybe more. 

"TEN!"

He screamed, and so did she. The gun rang out, and her body fell. Silence fell upon the house, and in a moment the joker had said "Meh." and walked into the house. 

...

Another ten minutes passed before Anthony's car rolled up. The Joker had been sitting in his lounger in the living room, flicking through a blood stained magazine on home decoration. His men were presumably off in another room, most likely the kitchen. It was at that moment that the door burst open, and Harley's voice rang out. 

He immediately regret the decision to send off for her. 

She entered the living room quickly. 

"Oh, Puddin'!"

He forced out a grin and through his hands up in the air, an action that in turn, sent the magazine flying. 

"Hey Kiddo!"

His eyes fell upon the magazine in her pocket, though he couldn't quite make out what it was on or what it's title was, he was simply happy she had brought it.

"Oh, more reading material! Thank you kindly Dearest, that other mag was getting booooring!"

He stood, and opened his arms, gesturing his hands in a fashion that beckoned her forth.

"Get over here you cute little thing!"

[Deleted]

The best way to lighten up Harley’s day is to put The Joker in front of her, her blind and some would say creepy love for her “puddin’” is one of legend. It’s been a long time since the two have seen each other; to Harley it feels like an eternity, so seeing him again boosts her morale to the maximum and then some. With that large grin that never leaves his lips, well, not that she’s seen anyway – his painted face and devious expression, to her, it’s one to die for…and knowing the likes of Joker, that isn’t entirely impossible as an outcome.

As he moves his arms out, requesting that she approach him, she doesn’t hesitate in the slightest, she moves at an almost lightning fast speed, throwing her arms out and around him for an embrace. “Oh, Mistah J…it’s been so long~!” She closes her eyes, getting lost in the moment, the feeling of the clown prince’s body against hers is almost too much for her to handle, but she manages to maintain her composure. Realizing that her “lover” is probably getting uncomfortable from the amount of time, she moves away from him and places her hands on her hips.

“Now that that’s outta the way!” Harley’s tone of voice changes as she narrows her eyes, leaning forward a bit and pointing her finger at Joker. “What’s the big idea!? Ya left me alone for so long, buster!” she lets out a ‘hmph’ sound and folds her arms across her chest, looking off to the side. “I ain’t mad of course…I’ve just missed ya so much, puddin’…it feels like it’s been years!” Harley moves her hands away from her hips, clasping her hands together and resting her head on them gently. “I’m so happy to see ya again…what did ya want me here for anyways? Just to keep ya company~?”

Being the mixed bag of emotions like she is, it isn’t out of the ordinary at all for Quinn to flip flop between feelings on the fly. It’s difficult to deal with, one moment being lonely, depressed and filled with boredom and the next filled with joy, excitement and…other feelings. That’s just the way it goes with someone easily manipulated like her…but it’s the way her entire life has been thus far, and it doesn’t look like it’s going to change any time soon, especially not now that she’s sharing a room with the man she’s madly in love with at the present time.

[Deleted]

The Clown merely smiles as she exclaims her happiness, wrapping her arms around him. She squeezes, and it takes everything in his power to keep from pushing her away. He hated this. How physical she was. He thought she would have learned. Or stopped. The latter would have been tremendous, but the grinning man knew that even that was a bit of a stretch. Especially for someone as nutso as Harley. Sometimes he wondered why he stayed with such an obsessive and annoying companion, and then he remembers, he'd be crazy too pass up the help she offers! 

He sighed a sigh of relief when she finally retracted from his body. He felt so claustrophobic locked within her arms, merely counting the moments, or sometimes minutes, until she finally let go. Though even when she backed up, put her hands on her hips and gave him some space, he knew it wasn't over, and that was something he dreaded extremely. 


“What’s the big idea!? Ya left me alone for so long, buster!”

He felt like rolling his eyes, but he knew he would have gotten quite the earful if he had, so he merely shrugged before smiling once more at the Harlequin looking gal. 

“I ain’t mad of course…I’ve just missed ya so much, puddin’…it feels like it’s been years!”

The Joker snorted, holding back a huge burst of laughter. He held back his urge to laugh in the woman's face, if only it had been a year. Twenty minutes ago, he wanted to see this girl that was so entranced by him, and now? Now he just wanted her to go back to where she came from, but he knew that was too much to ask of Anthony. Hell, poor guy probably wouldn't even survive another drive with the Hench-Wench.

“I’m so happy to see ya again…what did ya want me here for anyways? Just to keep ya company~?”

He waited a few moments, raising an eyebrow. He awaited her words, expecting the woman to keep on running her mouth. Though when she remained silent he smiled, exhaling a bit. Now he could finally speak. 

"Years? Don't be such a drama Queen, Harley! It's only been one year, two months and twenty six days! And you know, I spent a year of that in solitary, alas, it was horrific!"

He put a hand to his forehead, fanning himself with the other, being extremely dramatic.

"The other two months and twenty six days were spent avoiding you, but hey, what're you gonna do, y'know?"

The Clown threw back his head, letting out a few strings of laughter before regaining his composure and clearing his throat. 

"As for what I need you for, I just wanted a little company....."

He smiled, raising a single eyebrow, as though to infer something more. 

"Also, I want you to tell me all about a certain crime fighter. Batgirl, in fact, I'm going to need all the information on her than I can get!"

[Deleted]

Harley listens to her “puddin’” intently, taking in every single word as if she worshipped him…which honestly, she pretty much does. She smiles warmly just hearing that he remembers how long it has been right down to the day, though, she can remember it right down to the minute – but this isn’t a competition! She’s just pleased he at least remembers, which is particularly surprising to her with the way he normally treats her. Maybe he does really care! Or at least that’s what she was thinking until he says he had been avoiding her, causing her to frown and pout out her bottom lip, giving a distinct look of sadness.

The sadness is quickly diminished as he states he wants company, only to take her right back down to a pout as he tells her the real reason he wants her here, she places his hands on her hips and leans her upper body forward. “Bratgirl!? Why do ya wanna know about that annoying little girl!?” The clown princess of crime lets out an overly enthusiastic groan at the thought of the vigilante. “Well, I dunno what to tell ya that ya don’t already know! She’s an annoyin’ lil’ brat who doesn’t know when’ta mind her own business!”

“I’m tellin’ ya, puddin’, someone should put her outta her misery!” Harley shakes her clenched fist in her air at that last statement before pushing the clenched fist against her other open palm. Just the thought of Batgirl made her mad, but she quickly remembers she’s in front of the man she hasn’t seen in a very long time, the man she’s madly in love with. She goes back to her warm smile, swaying her hips as she slowly approaches the clown prince, speaking in an oddly seductive voice. “Forget about that brat, Mistah J~, we should really “catch up”…why don’t we go upstairs or somethin’ so ya can rev up your Harley?” she says with a wink.