The Replacement [Lola]

[Deleted]

CRaCK. The wood splintered as the large thug broke the hinges completely off the door, causing it to fall inward. The Joker foot landed on the thugs back, kicking the man over causing him to fall onto the ground with a thud and grunt. “You’re a better door than a window,” the Joker grumbled as he stepped on the man into the prissy hotel room, decked out with flowers and marbles. He gave a long whistle as he took in the ritzyness of the place. Chocolate on the pillow type.

“It makes ya rethink the career choice, doesn’t it boys?” he paused a tapped his finger on his chin, still standing on the man on the floor who knew better then to move. “But I wouldn’t want that life or death experience under the fat tub of lard every night.” He laughed and hopped off the thug onto the floor. His long purple jaket flowed down to his knees as he held a boom box on his shoulder. His long legs took in the room, grabbing an apple as he passed.

He took a large bite before his face turned to disgust, and he spit it out onto the floor, dropping the apple like it had cooties. “Y-uck, Snow White wouldn’t have even liked that,” he muttered, his tongue lapping in and out of his mouth trying to get rid of the taste as he checked the dining area.  He moved towards the living room still finding it empty.  He moved to the closed door off to the side.

“Yooowhooo, Penguin’s playdoll!” he threw open the door to her bedroom and saw a woman getting up from the bed, a menacing grin appeared on the Joker’s lips. “Wakey! Wakey! You’re new fiancés here to save the day!”

[Lola Marks]

All was well in her luxury hotel room. Lola had just gotten out of the shower and was laying under her comfy covers of her new king sized upgrade. Ever since she had been hanging around with Oswald everything in her life had gotten an upgrade from where she was. But she deserved it so it wasn’t anything new to her. Her raven hair was laid out on her pillow in a fashion that wouldn’t crimp it while she slept and she wore a very thin purple lace night gown. You never know when Oswald was going to show up and she needed to look her best.

A sudden slam to the door startled her. Lola pulled the covers up to her chest and her eyes widened as she heard a man’s voice that was not Oswald’s walking through her hotel suite. The covers were up to her chin when the tall man dressed as a clown walked into her bedroom. Was she being robbed? How many times did that happen in this town? She knew she was in the city but this seemed to be a bit excessive at this point.

“Fiance?” She repeated in shock and scrambled to the other side of the bed. She stepped out of the covers and backed up to the dresser on the other side of the bed from him. “You have the wrong person, I don’t have any cash on me and I have no desire to get married any time soon.” She barked at him in a panicked voice while her hand shuffled through the drawer behind her. After a moment of searching she pulled out a small pointed bottle opener and pointed it at him. “Stay back!” She tried to assert herself to the intruder.

If she could just get to her phone she would call the police, but her purse was hanging on the edge of the bed. Lola’s eyes went to it several times, getting ready to pounce at it any moment he’d give her the chance. It was only then she noticed that there was more than one man in her apartment. She nearly fainted at the thought. “Wait…Wait…Just…Let me call Oswald, He’ll give you whatever you want.” She tried to negotiate while keeping her “weapon” in front of her.

[Deleted]

The woman scurried away, falling off the bed in excitement and gay jolly! Her voice, on the other hand, screamed the opposite emotion, like she had seen a giant spider creep under that flimsy clothe she wore. What did he look? A man who had on a red & blue tight leotard, shooting webs from his wrist. Leave the shitty villains and superheroes to the Marvel Universe, he liked his place in the pages of DC, breathing down the Batz neck.

As her hand grabbed the small bottle opener and pointed it threateningly in his direction, he couldn’t get over the image. The fact that she thought she could actually hurt him with it was absolutely hilarious. It started in a low chuckle before exploding into full out laughter. “heHahaHEHAHAHA, you going to pop me open and drink me up, toots?” he took a step towards her, but only to place the boom box down with the ipod in it on the top of her fancy dresser, accidently knocking expensive jewelry into the trash without a second thought. He started to roll of the sleeves of his purple trench coat.

“It’s soooo cute, our first fight as a couple, we should kiss,” he puckered his lips out to her, “and make up.” He started laughing again, greatly enjoying the fun of this chick’s reactions. But as she mentioned the Puffin, his lips turned into a disgusting scowl and he shook his finger at her, “Now, now! Why would you mention exes at a time like this! On the most romantic day of our life!” He found it insulting that he was going out of his way to save her from the tub of lard and there was no appreciation! Is this how Batz feels everytime?! A little thank you would be nice! He huffed and grabbed the boom box, his sleeves rolled up to his elbow, showing his pale white skin. He got on his knees and pressed play holding it above his head, looking up at her.

“Let this piece of junk describe my feelings for you!” he said with a newly acquired grin before it started blasting a slow incredible creepy sounds. His brows furrowed, as the strange song continued and he brought it back down. “What the?” he shook the box, “Apple products just going downhill, dontcha think?” He muttered to himself as he pressed buttons, not even looking up at the woman across the room. He looked like a child fooling around with a broken toy, before he finally got the song on. “Ahha! Tip for when you're in Arkham, never let Johnny Boy borrow your ipod, hahahAHAH,” he gave a full hearty laugh as he placed the boom box back over his head.

[Lola Marks]

Who did this man think he was!?! He was clearly insane! Why her? Why now! Lola felt ridiculous with the bottle opener in her hand. It was barely enough to frighten a small bug let alone someone who looked like they just walked off the mental ward. He was filthy! The makeup? Disgusting! She'd never seen anyone more repulsive in her life! The sexual pass at her made her internally cringe. If she had to pick the last man on earth at this moment she'd kill herself first - of that she was certain.

It was clear right away that he wasn't going to listen to her. Maybe he didn't know who Oswald was? Ugh, It seemed like this one didn't just seem like he crawled out from under a rock, he literally did. Who didn't know Oswald's name? He was one of the richest men in Gotham from what she could see. He spared no expense for her at least and she knew he wouldn't here either, or at least she hoped he wouldn't. One thing was certain, if she couldn't get to her purse Oswald would never know what was happening. Ex's?.....Was he guessing that Oswald was her boyfriends name? She couldn't tell; he was insane!

The air kiss made her stomach turn, she was easily visibly disturbed by him but he wasn't taking the message. "No! This isn't romantic and I don't know who you are. Get out of my hotel room!" She finally shouted at him.

What was he doing now? The painted man in the long purple suit began to rummage through something only to bring out a boom box. Her hands shook as he rolled up his sleeves and revealed more of his deathly pale white arms. Maybe if he were more civil she could recommend him to a tailor and a real makeup artist and a tanning salon....and therapy - Or prison! Either would work just as well as they other as society wouldn't have to deal with whatever mess of what used to be a man was standing in front of her. Ew...The intruder got to his knee's. Lola adjusted the tilt she held her small weapon at him as he did and listened to the bizarre music that came out of the lower class player to begin with. The music was disturbing and she had no idea who he was talking about, but the comment of Arkham caught her attention. The Asylum? The one Oswald brought her to?....Was the really all about that?!

The next song that played wasn't much better. "I was born in 1987..." She claimed sarcastically, almost insulted by the fact that he thought she could be wooed by something so trivial and not even in her era of life. But anything she would have said afterward was cut silent by the beginning of his maniacal laughter. Her heart sped up, she couldn't take it anymore, she had to get to the phone! In one quick rush she threw the bottle opener at him and bolted for her purse.

[Deleted]

“It’s okay toots! I don’t even know what I was born. We could be twins for all I know! How do ya feel about incest?” he started laughing even harder and the music continued to play in the room. The Joker never looked like he was paying attention to anything especially when he was laughing, but as the woman lunged for her purse, he threw the boom box hard in her direction, hitting her directly in the head.

He frowned, shaking his long finger back and forth as the girl collapsed like a bag of potatoes onto the ground. “Tsk. Tsk. We haven’t even discussed the guest list, and ya already tryin’ to cheat,” he said as he stood tall again. He took long steps towards her body on the floor, the boom box next to her cracking and playing a second of the song over and over and over and over again, like a cd skipping. “How do ya think that makes me feel?” he said, placing his hand over his heart in pain. He watched the limbs move. She wasn’t unconscious yet. Goodie! That meant they still had fun to be had.

He stretched one leg over her before sitting on her stomach, keeping her between his thighs. He grabbed her jaw, digging his fingers into her cheeks, causing her lips to push out into that annoying duck face all those stupid teenage girls make on Facebook. “It’s okay. We can kiss and make up.” He leaned forward, and pressed his lips hard against hers, pushing his tongue into her mouth, dragging it along the inside of her cheeks for a long moment before finally pulling away. He pretended like he was breathing heavily. “Damn, you’re a good kisser!” he started to laugh, and laugh harder. He hoped the flightless bird kept cameras in here and got a good picture of that.

He then tossed her head back and forth. “Toots, I think it’s time we move in together, whatcha think?”

[Lola Marks]

The man absolutely disgusted her in every way possible. She couldn’t even process the last thing he said as she rushed to her phone. If she could only get to it she could call 911 or Oswald or someone to help her. Oswald would have probably been faster than the police, he might have even owned them with how much she’s seen that he does own. But she couldn’t think that far ahead right now! All that mattered was getting to it.

Lola hit the floor awkwardly and scrambled to get the device out of her purse. If she wasn’t panicking so much, maybe she would have gotten it faster! But then her vision changed completely. A sense of vertigo came over her and she couldn’t tell which direction she was. Her disorientation showed as she moved left and right on the ground with her hands. It almost felt like she was climbing up walls. Why couldn’t she see? Her vision pulsed as she crawled on the floor, the waves in the hotel carpet were becoming more intense by the moment and she felt something wet running down her head.

Her body collapsed to the floor hard, she just couldn’t move much anymore and her vision was becoming darker and darker. She could hear faint speaking behind her, a terrifying voice with a jokers laugh to follow. Why wouldn’t this man just leave her alone! How did he even know she was here in the first place! Lola’s body was shutting down her ability to move. The only thing she was able to make out was a blurr leaning over her, saying something and then invading to her mouth. She felt a squishy substance around her lips, if she could have thrown up she would have. But she was quickly losing consciousness.

His last words made her heart stop. Where was Oswald? The police? Anyone?

She blacked out.

[Deleted]

The body went limp underneath him, and he pulled his lips away, tilting his head like child staring at his broken toy. He swatted her cheek with his hand, then the other cheek with the back of his hands. “I’ll take ya silence as a yes because all those sexual harassment classes have taught me one useful lesson,” he grinned, pushing himself off her body, “As long as you’re a rich frat boy, every gal is consenting.” He gave a sharp half laugh before his focus darted elsewhere. His long legs stepped over her, and he held out his hand, not looking behind him. “Paint,” he stated, and as the word left his lips, a spray can magically appeared like he had somehow got this magical skill of pulling rabbits out of his ass well.


He chuckled to himself and started spraying her bed with the joy of chaos. The Joker never was one to make his bed in the morning. If you’re just going to mess it up again at night, why make it all pointlessly neat. He stopped his artistic expression as he came across her phone. He leaned down and plucked it from the floor. He scrolled through the contacts. “Nope. Eck. Oh my god, she’s friends with her? No. No. No. Ooooo now there’s someone,” he muttered clicking on Penguin’s number to send a text message.


The night will be unforgettable, my chubby little adorable muffin top midget man. XOXO GG


He pressed send, than dropped the phone back to the ground. He stepped on it with the back of his heel, putting his full weight on it as he made a long whistling sound, catching his boys attention. “Now listen up, you whipper snappers. We gotta get Harley here back home. Ya see, she never can handle her drink,” he waved his hand at Lola’s unconscious body. “Up and atta here.” One of the big thugs leaned forward and slung the woman over his shoulder, and headed to the door. The Joker followed along with a skip in his step, knocking off the few remaining items on the dresser just for an added touch before sauntering on out.

---

He leaned back in the chair, trying to find that perfect balance before it completely tipped forward or back, while trying to balance one of those squishy stress balls on his forefinger. He had taken the girl back to his current abode, an abandon church on the edge of East Side. Of course, there had been some MAJOR redecorating. I mean hell, who would want to spend all day staring at a bearded man in a white robe. If he wanted to see that, he would spend more time at sauna. Now, the old pieces of art, were decorated with a smile, and the windows were filled with bright Christmas lights. CoLoRFul Christmas lights. And since it’s Halloween season, he threw in some spider webs for kicks (The spiders webs have been there long before the Joker showed up).


He currently had the girl sitting on the stage of the church. She was tied up, wearing a Harlequin costume. (Harley Quinn’s Costume to be exact.) He had also managed to bleach her hair blonde during her nap time. Though….he can’t say if it turned out right. Harley always handled her hair style, but he guessed all it took was dumping hair into a bucket of bleach, which was exactly what the Joker did to Lola’s hair. It managed to get out quite a bit of color, but there were random spots of black. He stuffed most of her hair into the hat, so it wasn’t noticeable. It was like nothing had ever happened.


He slammed forward in his chair and sighed, the stress ball rolling off on the stage. He scrapped his chair forward to the organ. He never liked sitting. He like to do things, like catching bats.


“Jingle bell. Jingle BELLS,” he started to sing as he played the organ with the tune, “Batman SMELLS…..”

[Lola Marks]

Lola opened her eyes. The world blurred in front of her and she began to see two of every shadow. Whatever objects were in front of her were no longer of one but of two objects in her vision. Had she been struck? Why was her head throbbing? Ow….Her head hurt SO badly. She lifted her hand to rub it but she couldn’t budge. What was wrong with her hands? Suddenly, she began to panic and twist but she just couldn’t move an inch. Lola tried to open her mouth to scream but her voice was weak, she really had been struck with something.

She had to get it together, she couldn’t think like this with a splitting headache and no vision. Her vision suddenly snapped forward when an awful sound assaulted her ears. It was some warped version of jingle bells with a creepy familiar voice singing in the background. Why couldn’t she remember? She was terrified of that voice! Small mumbles left her lips until out of the corner of her eye she saw a clump of her stuffed hair. Her beautiful silky raven hair was now stuffed into a patch on one side, poorly….and…It…was…Bleached! Finally, she managed to pump out a scream from her lungs. What had happened to her beautiful hair!?! Her fantastic hair was ruined!!!!

“LEAVE ME ALONE” She screamed from the floor and kicked off of it but just rolled to the side and hit the floor. Lola gruffed and sniffed, tears rolling down from her eyes. She managed to catch a glimpse of what she was wearing below, some kind of circus costume. This guy was crazy, what did he want from her? “I DON’T HAVE ANYTHING YOU’D WANT!” She screamed to try and reason with the crazy man. Maybe he knew her family? Her secrets? Maybe he knew that she used to be wealthy? But how would he know that, she just got here. Why did he want her? Why was she in this costume!? All these questions here making her head hurt even more.

She curled on the ground, trying to save her strength for another upcoming burst. Her eyes had finally focused and she was able to see the oddly decorated room with the tacky Christmas lights. She felt like she was in a circus and she was positive that it was the last time she ever wanted to be a part of one. Did she actually get to text her Puffin? Maybe he was coming with the police to save her from this hell.