Sometimes It's Not Funny [Joker]

[Deleted]

[Takes Place After Arkham's Revolving Doors]

Edward stuck his fork into the key lime pie in front of him. His head was hung low, and his suit wasn’t in the most proper of form. It was early, too early for anyone to be heading to work but too late for anyone to still be out. After breaking out of Arkham with Jonathan’s help, he had found his secret safe box with a spare of his clothing and trinkets. Edward was always prepared for the worst, including what to do if you have just escaped Arkham and was wearing that tacky uniform. He had held up with Jonathan for a night until the cops settled down their fierce investigation, but he finally left. Dealing with the most cynical fear obsessed man on the planet could only be done in small doses. Edward’s dose had obviously been too much.

His fork pushed through the light fluffy pie. For this diner being in the sketch area of East Side, they had some pretty good pie. They also had no reason to notify authorities when seeing the Riddler since Edward gave them quite a bit a business. After all, his last hide out had not been too far from here. He picked up the piece with his fork before bringing it into his mouth. He thought as logic returned to the forefront of his mind, things would become clearer. Unfortunately, no. How does one make sense out of insanity?

At this point, he was better ignoring it. He pulled the fork out of his mouth with a pop. He needed to get himself situated again. He needed to get another henchmen, a new hideout…and most importantly his hand on another smart phone. The quickest way to make money after all is through a few hacked passwords here and there. He brought his fork down to his pie when something caught his eyes in his peripherals. Purple and green.

“Shit,” he cursed softly, noticing that the Joker was walking down the sidewalk. Hopefully he would pass the diner and not even notice Edward. He shouldn’t have sat next to the window. His lip turned into a straight line as he slouched his shoulders and leaned his face into his hand. For the first time in probably Edward’s life, he had no desire to be noticed. He stared down at his key lime pie as his fork began tapping on the plate. It was dark, and the Joker was probably busy with his own plans. Edward began to mentally count the steps the man had left until he would pass the dumpy diner. It was best not to move. Similar to a wild animal, movement only attracts attention. The seconds seemed to slow, as it got closer to the Joker passing him, and Edward being freed from a possibly more absurd night.

“Insanity is an unsolvable riddle I have no interest in at the moment,” he muttered to himself, almost like a pray that the Joker would not be making an appearance.

[Deleted]

"EDDIE!!!"

It was late. Very late. Too late. The sun creeped over the buildings rooftops but it was still technically the night. The morning rush to work wouldn't begin for another few hours. The criminals of Gotham were free to do as they please and thats exactly what The Joker was doing. He was taking a walk. A simple activity one would think, but for a criminal, it's more complicated than it seems. When one is persecuted, even if rightly so, mundane activities become rare luxury. The Joker simply wanted to walk because even on his hellish harlequin hide, he was still human.

Heels clacked and clicked against the pavement, echoing around the deserted streets. Walking, hands in pockets, a smile on his face and the wind rushing in his hair. For a few seconds, he was a free man. Completely and utterly free. Joker reached the old diner that all the criminals came to just relax in. He smiled in actually joy as the old building hover into view. He checked his pockets and found a pleasant surprise, twenty dollar bill. He pulled the money from his pocket, looked at it and sighed in joy. A hot coffee and a Belgian waffle was calling his name. He walked along the sidewalk towards the door and noticed a familiar green blur.

"EDDIE!!!"

Joker had his face pressed against the glass in the window were Riddler was sat, his arms in the starfish position. He pulled himself off the glass and hurries in the door. He waved like an over enthusiastic child at The Riddler as he made his way over to his booth. Seating opposite, Joker smiled at his new friend. 

"Look, I know we've had our differences with that whole Arkham City affair. Y'know, you bribing my guys and all but, we're past that now. So..."

The Joker smiled at The Riddler as he began to recite.

"The time has come; the walrus said, to talk of other things. Like shoes and ships and celling wax, cabbages and kings. While the sea is boiling hot and whether pigs have wings. Alook kaleay, we'll eat today..."

The Joker stuck a fork into Riddler's pie and pulled out a chunk. He hoisted the fork and lifted it slightly as if proposing a toast.

"We're cabbages and kings."

The Joker stuck the fork into his smiling mouth.

[Deleted]

He cringed when he heard his name…no worst, that horrible nickname. His jaw clenched as he tried to calm himself. He really had no interest in communicating with the Joker. None, whatsoever, but every rogue understood that if you did not want to become the center of the man’s antics, you tolerated his presence. He took a calming breath before slowly pulling his eyes from his pie to the man dragging his face along the window.

Unsanitary.

He gave a small wave not thrilled wave at him, and watched as the Joker peeled himself from the window and came into the diner. Why was the Joker walking around so late? A part of him wished he would have stayed with Jonathan, at least that man can hold a decent conversation. He shook that thought from his mind immediately. The Joker was better company then the Scarecrow at this moment, and maybe the man would provide a much needed distraction from the puzzles gnawing at his mind.

The clown sat across from him. Edward cringed again when he took a bite of his pie. That was his! He actually bought that too! He listened halfheartedly to the mad man’s ramblings. Edward hadn’t spoke to him since he had gotten back from the China, the last time he spoke to the Joker, the man had drained him of 2.6 million dollars just to plant a few explosives here or there. It was hard to know whether you were on Joker’s good side or bad side on each meeting, but based on his ‘warm’ welcome and mentioning by gones will be by gones, it looked like Edward had gathered a small amount of luck.

He wanted his fork back, but it looked like that would not be occurring. He sighed and pushed his entire plate to Joker’s side of the table. He folded his arms over his chest. “Joker, must I hear Lewis Carroll nonsense from you as well. I dealt enough with Tetch in Arkham,” he commented offhandedly. He pouted out his lower lip in thought as he stared at the man eating his pie. “Question, why are you out so late? I doubt you were in search of my company?” he asked the riddle. Hopefully, the Joker would eat his pie and be on his way, but things were never that easy with the Joker.

[Deleted]

Oh. Hmm. That's not good. Joker had quickly realised that the pie he had actually just stolen from Riddler was, in fact, terrible. The bitter taste of stale lime and crusty pastry churned in his mouth. He chewed slowly, outstretching his tongue with every single chomp, like a sick puppy who had eaten something particularly sour. The green and brown mush that he only just held in his mouth was forced down along with a little vomit as not to offend his companion who was obviously fascinated by the substance. Replacing the fork into the crust, Joker slid the food back across to Riddler and then let his arms fall clumsily to his sides on the red leather sofa.

"Keep that..."

The Joker agreed with himself that he ought to be civil to the man for a change. To be honest, anything he did now would be an improvement on the last time the two men tried to hold a decent conversation. Hopefully, this chat wasn't got to end with the barrel of a gun being rammed into Riddler's mouth and Joker asking for three good reasons why he shouldn't redecorate the wall behind him in an interesting new colour named hint of brain. Admittedly, the conversation hadn't got off to the best start, he just stole from Nigma and then, in the same breath, insulted his tastes but he was determined to continue unfazed. Joker snorted contently at the comment mentioning the ramblings of the Mad Hatter. Jervis was a bit of a loose screw. Joker tutted in sympathy.

"Could be worse, could  have reeled off some ludicrous pun that Fries told me countless times about breaking the ice.."

The Joker managed to catch the waitress's eye and bring him a menu. After ordering a stack of pancakes with extra helpings of blackcurrant jam, he responded to The Riddler's question. 

"Observation: I could ask you the very same thing..."

He cut off a chunk of the warm, purple covered dough and placed it into his mouth as the unusual site of two wanted criminals having breakfast in a diner as the sun light creeped over the horizon continued on it's bizarre course.

[Deleted]

He tried to keep the disgusted expression as the Joker showed his half consumed chewed pie to him on his tongue. He merely watched with caution. The Joker then pushed the plate back to him. He expected to still have an appetite after that beautiful display? Edward studied the pie for a moment, knowing that if he didn't take a bite the Joker would probably over dramatize it. He lip pouted out in annoyance before he picked up the fork. He stared at it like it had some disease. He didn't want to think of how many odd parasites might be lurking in the Joker's mouth. He logically reminded himself that Harley managed to walk around perfectly fine...still slightly insane. He swallowed and pushed the fork into the pie and brought it to his lips. With a deep breath he put it into his mouth as he listened to the Joker's remark. He forced a smile like the pie was tasty, which to him was, but his mind was still distracted by the fact that Joker's mouth had been on this fork. Shake it off.

But then as his mind drifted to where mouths could possibly be, he paled immediately and swallowed the pie incorrectly causing him to choke. Oh god, he did not want to think of that! He coughed into his hand slamming his fork onto the table as he tried to push the reason he was even mopping in a seclusive diner out of his head. He finally got a manage of himself as the Joker ordered, taking a few deep breaths.

The Riddler really was a mess at this moment. Get a hold of yourself, Nigma.

Luckily the Joker had a talent of pulling the conversation into different subjects, and immediately the comment about Mr. Freeze did get a small smile out of Edward. "Good point," he nodded trying to make it look like that the comment had been so funny it had caused the choking action.

However, the Joker also had a talent of bringing up things he didn't want to talk about. The last statement caused unwanted images of his night to appear. He frowned tapping the fork on his plate. "I recently got out of Arkham and wanted decent food. Not that difficult of a riddle," he smirked. The question then was what did he do now? The first few weeks out of Arkham were always the worse as you try to set yourself up again. He would have to get in contact with Selina, but Batman now knew Selina's secret identity. It would be difficult.

To think her stripping into his clothing could cause such a simple slip on her part. He had warned her though. Batman always followed. If only they could follow Batman and find his identity. There had to be somewhere of finding it. The people who knew it was most likely Boy Blunder one, Boy Blunder two, and possibly...Selina. He wouldn't put it past her to have somehow seduced him into it. His eyes pulled out of his thoughts and focused on the man now chomping down his waffles. Batman had managed to defeat his greatest plan...it was only fair, if Edward cheated...not that Edward ever cheated. "Question, you captured Nightwing, otherwise Boy Blunder in his new costume, correct?" he asked, playing around with an idea.