Nina Stenet
"Great acts are made up of small deeds." - Lao Tzu
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Post by Nina Stenet on May 12, 2011 22:05:46 GMT -5
Fortunately for Nina, the thoughts she'd reached before falling asleep come easily to mind - at the moment any new thoughts would be a bit sluggish, which isn't good when you've been put on the spot. With no preamble she says, "When I was in my apartment, Batman told me that it would be helping you if I helped him. He reminded me that someone will get hurt if I didn't. He even suggested that I could do so by not telling him something." She pauses briefly, remembering it - it's like Batman had read her mind to determine exactly what to say and the exact way to phrase it.
"That is what I refused," she continues, "And that was before I even understood why - now that I do, I'm glad that I didn't say anything. If he were to ask me the same thing again, I wouldn't even be tempted." But then she stops again, this time hesitating over her words and looking down at her hands as she tries to figure out just how to ask the question that's plaguing her, "I know that you have a lot of reasons not to trust people in general, but why don't you trust me?"
After that she looks up again, and there isn't a hint of accusation, anger, pride, or anything else that would suggest that she's at all bothered by that subject. There's only a small amount of confusion - she just wants to be able to understand.
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Post by Deleted on May 12, 2011 22:37:19 GMT -5
He frowned at the very mention of Batman and that night. He had overreacted, obviously, since Batman didn’t appear at his hideout and handcuffed him off to Arkham. Instead, she laid close to dead on his dining room table being pried and poked by a doctor. She had been telling the truth, but how could he have ever predicted that. People were selfish and held their values above others; he suspected Nina was the same. He felt his jaw lock as she described what Batman asked. Of course the Dark Knight would know Nina’s weakness and try to push her to break. Of course, he would attempt to use her against him. He was still surprised Batman hadn’t been a bit more forceful or used a tracking device.
Edward would have relaxed more to hear she refused and would do the same in the future, if her question hadn’t followed afterwards. His eyes that had been focused on hers fell to the ground again. His grip on his cane tightened. How could he even begin to explain it? Why should he explain it? They were over, weren’t they? Not that they had a legitimate relationship to begin with, but it was over. “I don’t see why it matters,” he muttered aloud. He wanted to leave and escape this pointless conversation, but when he looked up and saw her face he stopped himself. She wanted an answer. He could at least give her an answer. He sighed and rubbed his hand against his chin.
“It’s not worth risk. It never will be,” he stated but didn’t like that explanation. He could give a better answer then that. He was the Riddler. He knew the answer to everything. He didn’t want to get trapped in someone else’s choices. He didn’t want to get hurt anymore. She might say she loved him, but that’s not worth it to him. Other people said they loved him and still betrayed him. Rogues you thought were friends….parents…
“You remind me of her,” he forced out, “Just because you believe you love me does not mean you won’t betray me. It’s happened before and it will happen again. I can’t allow your words to create a façade of happiness that only makes me naïve to the reality. I learned my lesson from that already.” It wasn’t a detailed answer because he didn’t want to give her a detailed answer. When he was drunk he would have gone on a detail rant about his mother, but not now. He felt uncomfortable enough; not to mention, he was wasting his time.
“Is that it? I have engagements to meet,” he said, it wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the full truth. He had been out of work for a week, so he had a lot of things to catch up on, but he didn’t need to leave now.
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Nina Stenet
"Great acts are made up of small deeds." - Lao Tzu
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Player: Avalikia ~
Registered On: Nov 4, 2010 0:01:40 GMT -5 ~
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Post by Nina Stenet on May 13, 2011 3:21:55 GMT -5
The first couple of responses that Edward gives her cause Nina to bite her tongue; she could argue either of those points, but each time she can see that it isn't the end so she forces herself to wait for him to say everything he has to say.
And when he finally gets to the real answer she frowns almost immediately; she knows who he's talking about and the more she thought about that comparison the more she didn't like it. So when he finishes speaking she's all too eager to state, "Don't insult me by comparing me to her. I'm not nearly that weak, and you ought to know that by now." There's even a brief but noticeable look of distaste on Nina's face as she thinks about Edward's mother - what can be said about a woman who didn't do what she had to in order to protect her own child? While she can't say that it's impossible to have a good excuse for that, she seriously doubts it.
"And it's not because I love you that I won't betray you; it's because I am the one feeling that love," she hastens to add, "It already goes against my nature to want to hurt anyone - when you add love to that it simply increases that to the point where I find that I can't hurt you, and betrayal is one of the worst kinds of hurt. And I've never lied to you - in fact, I've always done everything I can to be as transparent as possible."
She stops what could turn into a real rant there, gives a heavy sigh, and says, "I guess I just have a hard time believing that it's impossible for you to trust me because I know that everything I just said is true. I wish that I could prove it, or that I'd met you years ago." When she stops her expression is a mixture of sadness and confusion; she's never met anyone who had such a hard time trusting people as Edward and, not coincidentally, she's also never had anyone know her nearly as well as he does who didn't trust her. Which means that this problem, which she suspects is the real heart of the larger problem, is one that she's nearly at a loss in being able to figure out a solution to - if that's even possible.
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Post by Deleted on May 14, 2011 2:06:59 GMT -5
He closed his eyes soothing away his irritation. He didn’t like the sad expression on her face. It made that agitated guilt feeling crawl across his skin. But he also didn’t like her words. This was the very reason he avoided talking about his past. People assumed something, and manipulated it into their own conclusion. They found something that they thought could be easily changed because for some reason knowing the truth meant it was fixable. He frowned.
“First, do not insinuate that my mother was a bad person. She’s who she is,” he stated quietly then shrugged. He had no problem degrading his own mother and calling her actions weak, but he never liked hearing someone else insulting her, especially when they never met her. He cared for his mother, even if he hated her as well. His mother couldn’t change who she was. He had to accept her, and he eventually did. It was the very reason he left. He realized the type of person she was, and knew he couldn’t rely on her. He still cared about her, but she couldn’t be in his life. It was the similar notion he had towards Nina. He accepted who she was and knew they wouldn’t work. It was unfortunate but true.
He needed to find a way to explain this to Nina, so she would understand and they could stop wasting each other’s time. “There’s a girl,” he began thinking of it as a riddle, “She falls in love with a boy. She’s not only intelligent and witty, she also has a strong sense of right and wrong. The boy she has fallen for does…” he paused for a moment, thinking of how Nina would better relate to this, “heroine. The boy does heroine. The girl knows how the drug ruins lives and can eventually lead to the boy’s death. She also realizes how addictive he is to it. She thinks its wrong, but the boy doesn’t. Question: Does she love the boy enough to save him from himself or love him enough to let him do as he pleases?” This was his issue with love. Love forced a person to look out for another’s best interest, but a person’s best interest differed to each person.
“I can’t trust a person who looks at me like I’m on heroine.”
“…I can’t trust someone who makes me feel less then what I am.”
He smirked after the last statement left his lips. It was the first time he said it aloud in such a serious tone. She made him feel horrible about himself, something the Riddler never felt. “Question: Why would I want to be with someone who has the ability to make me worse?” he asked. He tilted his head to the side in almost a teasing matter. It was a habit he got from taunting people over video cameras.
He was about to answer his own question with a cold cruel statement of rejection, but stopped himself. He wanted to hear her answer. He wanted to hear her attempt to justify it because maybe if she could justify it the pain in his heart would numb.
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Nina Stenet
"Great acts are made up of small deeds." - Lao Tzu
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Player: Avalikia ~
Registered On: Nov 4, 2010 0:01:40 GMT -5 ~
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Post by Nina Stenet on May 14, 2011 11:22:12 GMT -5
Nina doesn't comment on Edward's statement on his mother. She never said that she thought that the woman was bad, only that she was weak - and Nina doesn't like being compared to a weak person. But if Edward doesn't want her to express that opinion then she doesn't have to.
When Edward starts to come up with an analogy, he easily grabs Nina's attention. She's always liked a good analogy; it allows one to more easily discuss something that'd be more difficult to talk about directly. And it's all too easy for her to answer: "She loves the boy enough to let him do as he pleases." But, knowing that Edward is unlikely to believe that so put, she continues with, "Is the boy lacking in people who have tried and are still trying to get him off heroin? Does the girl think that she'll somehow succeed where they're failing? Does the girl even want to try when she knows that trying will do nothing but upset the boy as long as he doesn't think that he has a problem? No." She pauses there for a moment before continuing with, "Just because she hopes that he'll stop some day doesn't mean that she thinks that it is or should be up to her. She loves him either way; she fell in love with who he is now, not some vision of who he could be."
The last question causes Nina to frown in thought, and she stares at the ceiling for a moment as she tries to figure out the answer. But eventually she asks, "Why did you wait for me to wake up? And why did you get drunk last night?" She shakes her head and adds, "I'm not sure that I can explain why, I just know that you do. Both of us do."
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Post by Deleted on May 14, 2011 16:39:36 GMT -5
He unconsciously rolled his eyes as her first answer, but when she continued he listened. He hadn’t considered her thinking that way. She wanted to help him, but saw no point in doing it. That could mean two things, either Nina was making a very intelligent choice or she lacked the motivation to change him herself. It was the word hope that kept coming to the forefront of his mind. She hoped he would change, but she wouldn’t take action in that part. How could you love something that wanted differently? But she said she loved him either way. It was hard to believe that fact. It was very hard, but didn’t she take a bullet from him?
Yes, that meant she loved him in some form.
When she turned the question on to him, he blinked in bewilderment. He had asked similar question to himself, but it felt strange hearing them from her. Why did he take the actions he did with her? Because he felt responsible and in pain. Why did he feel that way? Because he did have feelings for her. He did want her, so her answer was right, but she missed his point all together.
He wanted her, but he equally as much wanted not to feel the horrible gut wrenching guilt. The two sides battled with one another and provided facts of reasons for both. He couldn’t choose, even though his loves of riddles forced him to lean away from Nina and back toward his old life.
He remembered last night. He remembered telling her everything. She hadn’t judged him then. She had been confused and overwhelm, but she hadn’t judged. Did she love him enough not to make him question everything he did? Did she love him enough to not make him feel like a horrible person? He might want her, but he did not want to feel any less then what he was. He would not have it. He was far more important then anyone, even her.
“I should rephrase the question because there is different between want and worth. Is it worth it?” he asked her.
But before she could respond he decided to test his theory. “There was a girl twenty six years old. She was pregnant, and in love with a man. She had a sister who talked to her everyday. She did administrative work in the hospital,” he began, leaving out the important detail on her role in messing up his life, “I knocked on her door. She opened it believing it was someone else. I stabbed her with syringe full of a thick drug to knock her out. While she was out I attached a mechanic around her neck that needed to be unlocked through remote. When she woke up, she had a riddle. She had five minutes to memorize the placements of the cards on the computer then an hour to match each one. Every time she missed a match her time got cut in half. She only got fifteen matches then the machine on her neck exploded,” he paused getting trapped in the pleasant memory, “I watched as her head fell off her body and landed on the ground with a thud…I watched the blood drip down her ivory skin and into her nightgown…I watched as the Batman came in only a half a second too late. I watched as the body slumped over like a dead log,” his voice was even, but a creepy smirk appeared on his face. He had no regret in this. He never would. It was his first riddle that someone had lost their life in. He had felt so proud that he managed to fool the Batman. He felt so proud that he prevented the woman from ever making a memorization mistake again. He felt so happy, but he knew Nina would see it differently. He wanted to see if she would take away that amazing feeling of pride and replace it with guilt because if she destroyed his first success in such a way he couldn’t be with her. He had to see her reaction.
“That’s my heroin,” he said in a more carefree voice, “and you still love me?” He chuckled to himself thinking over the many years of his success and failures. No regrets. “So I ask you again, is it worth it?” he asked, not only her but himself as he took in her reaction to the things he felt proud over.
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Nina Stenet
"Great acts are made up of small deeds." - Lao Tzu
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Player: Avalikia ~
Registered On: Nov 4, 2010 0:01:40 GMT -5 ~
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Post by Nina Stenet on May 14, 2011 20:37:54 GMT -5
When Edward responds to her words with a question, Nina opens her mouth to answer it, only to close it again when he starts telling her a story. Her expression settles into a puzzled frown as she both listens and tries to figure out why he's telling her this, but her expression remains passive until he starts to describe how the woman died. Her eyes close and she covers her face with one of her hands, obscuring her expression though she's obviously upset. It isn't until he poses his questions that she really starts to understand why he felt the need to tell this to her.
Suspecting that he's about to jump to conclusions based on her reaction, she holds up her other hand in a restraining gesture and allows herself another moment - it's difficult for her to have to both cope with that feeling and try to see the larger picture at the same time, but she forces her way through it. "I need to explain what death is to me," she says finally, her voice a controlled calm. "Between my gift and my medical knowledge there isn't a physical problem that I can't cure or fix, if given enough time. And I don't mean simple healing, but a restoration to a state where it's as if it never happened. And where the time it would take would be unreasonable, I can at least eliminate pain in any instance. Any instance besides death..." she explains, and then shakes her head, having trouble putting the rest of her thoughts into words.
Instead she continues with, "If you'd told me in similar detail about a woman dying of cancer or starving to death or being mauled by a tiger I'd feel the same way. What I'm feeling right now has little to do with you." Then she lowers her hand and it covers her mouth, revealing the emotion in her eyes: a very remote sort of sorrow based only on the fact that someone died who didn't have to and not necessarily how or why it happened - a feeling that's probably completely foreign to Edward. Someone with a sister, a man that she loved, and an unborn child - every detail makes it a little worse. But once again she's not judging or blaming Edward; her eyes don't go to him but stare off past the walls of the apartment as her thoughts linger for a moment on the woman he described.
She takes a deep breath and swallows as she finally shakes the image from her mind, only then lowering her hand completely and looking directly at Edward with much of her calm already restored. "If you're asking me to not be bothered by it, you're asking too much," she says flatly, "But I already know who you are, and if it wasn't worth it to me I wouldn't be trying."
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2011 0:06:41 GMT -5
When she covered up her face, he already knew he wouldn’t like her reaction. Her words do nothing to comfort that conclusion. He can hear it in her tone. She trying to keep that calm collected voice but it sounded to force. It meant hearing the simple story really hurt her. Even though she stated the pain wasn’t from him but from hearing about death, he still felt the guilt tampering around his heart. How could she say it had little to do with him? He made the riddle. He took full responsibility for the riddle. He didn’t take responsibility for the girl’s death because her own stupidity led to that, but he did make the riddle. How could she factually not relate him to her death when she blamed him for that hooker’s death not long ago?
It proved to him how much she wanted this to work. She was willing to lie to herself in order to have him in her life. When it was only furthered proven with her words his eyes fell to the ground and he smiled. She saw him as worth it. But was that right…
His smile faltered and turned into a frown. She was falsely justifying him to fit into her values. While it was a notion that proved that she cared, it also proved that they wouldn’t work in the long run. She would only get hurt when those unstable walls crumpled. He looked back up at her and saw the sadness in her eyes. His frown deepened. The guilt was squeezing around his heart. Why did he feel guilty? That riddle was a success, it was amazing, he saved people from experiencing what he experienced…but he felt guilty. He felt guilty because he knew he caused that sorrow in her eyes. He sighed and rubbed his hand across his face before letting it fall back to his side.
He took a deep breath then started walking towards her. When he was at her side, he took a seat on the bed. He looked down at his hands for a moment debating how to say this before looking up at her again. “I can’t feel this way,” he stated in response to the guilt, “I won’t. My life is surrounded by death. How can I be with you if every time I mention it, you make that face?” he said lifting his hand to her cheek and gently touching it. “I can’t cut that part from my life. I tried, and I started to blame you. I’m also not going to ask you to not be bothered by it. You’ll only grow to hate me if you try. This isn’t that hard of a riddle, Nina. No matter how hard either of us might want this, whatever it is, to work, it won’t.” His lips formed a straight line as his hand continued to caress her face. He did care for her, but there was a reason why Edward was alone. He was smart enough not to get involved with something doomed for failure.
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Nina Stenet
"Great acts are made up of small deeds." - Lao Tzu
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Player: Avalikia ~
Registered On: Nov 4, 2010 0:01:40 GMT -5 ~
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Post by Nina Stenet on May 15, 2011 2:20:05 GMT -5
Watching Edward's emotions play across his face causes Nina's to fluctuate with them; a part of her is glad to see the smile disappear - he shouldn't be happy about killing someone. But at the same time she didn't want him to be sad either. Her eyes follow him as he sits beside her, and his words cause her own sad expression to reappear, deeper. And as he touches her cheek she finds herself longingly leaning into his hand.
When he finishes she looks down at her hands and is quiet for a long moment before she says, "So in the end, it's my fault..." But though it seemed like she had more to say along that line of thought, she stops herself and abruptly says to herself, "No - that is the problem, isn't it?"
Instead of explaining her words, her eyes suddenly shift back to Edward and she says, "Your story taught me something, you know. Something I thought that I already knew, but I didn't: it's too easy to throw blame around. Especially before you get to know a person, but even then... Before I knew, it was so easy just to blame you for everything. Sure, I told myself that you're probably not really a bad person and I patted myself on the back for being understanding but... Knowing is so much different. I can't be sure at all anymore if I'm right or wrong when I want to think of something as your fault. But if it's not your fault, I have no idea who I blame anymore - I think that I've given up on figuring that one out." She shakes her head at that, confused, but continues, "But the really stupid thing is that, while you've already got me questioning how much blame I everyone else for everything, it hasn't done a thing for me. I mean..." She pauses and frowns, questioning why she's telling Edward this for a moment but, figuring that it can't hurt, she lets herself continue, "...I've never told anyone this, but I always have to convince myself that I don't have to own everyone else's pain - even yours. And it seems like I'm only mostly successful at that because if I had enough time, if I'd been there, if I'd only known, I really could have fixed, stopped, or prevented it. But it's such a stupid thing at the same time too - I couldn't really have been everywhere, I'm not omniscient. And it's arrogant of me too, to think that I could possibly be so responsible for so much. But even though I know all of that, it doesn't change the feeling." She frowns and once again her eyes go down to her hands, "And that's the full reason why death upsets me so much: I take it as a failure on my part. Pathetic, isn't it? And to make things worse, now I find out it's driving a wedge between us too - because my stupid inability to not blame myself upsets you." She shakes her head again, this time in disbelief at herself. Why does she have to have such an absurd flaw? Especially one that keeps her away from Edward?
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2011 13:31:24 GMT -5
When she blamed herself, he opened his mouth to protest. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, rather two personalities unable to work together. He never got to voice it because she continued. He listened patiently to her words, and as she continue the smile on his face got larger and larger. She didn’t blame him. She truly didn’t blame him. Edward knew who she should blame. She should blame the moronic buffoons who couldn’t determine his riddle, but he kept that thought to himself. He didn’t want her to change her mind and start blaming him again.
I’ve never told anyone this…
He focused realizing that whatever she was about to say was important. His smile changed to a serious expression, but as he listened his smile reappeared. He couldn’t help it. It was such a simple issue that created this big mess. She felt responsible for people dying. Yes, it was a little bit ridiculous, but the fact didn’t really surprise him. Nina had too big of a heart sometimes. Luckily for both of them, Edward didn’t make the connection to Batman having a similar problem. Edward only knew the Batman had an obsession with saving people, he never quite understood why. When she finally finished he started laughing. This whole situation was so simple.
“I always knew you were as arrogant as me,” he stated proudly that he deducted that aspect correctly. He then leaned in and kissed her holding her close to him for a moment before pulling away with a big grin. “It’s not pathetic. Why you want to take responsibility for the buffoons in this population is unknown to me, but not surprising,” he stated, then the smile faltered on his lips, “I can’t promise not to talk about death. As I said before, I’m surrounded by it. But…”
He stopped himself. But what? But if she can listen then they could be together. He would realize the hurt in her face was not caused by him…but if he talked about it in front of her then he would have caused it. He would still feel horrible.
“But…” he spoke again. Damn, he wanted this to work, and he felt so close to a solution, but he couldn’t find one. He couldn’t cut off a part of his life from her again. It wouldn’t work. He tried…and it failed.
His hand fell off his face and he shifted away from her. His eyes turned towards the wall as he puzzled over what could be done. Could anything be done?
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Nina Stenet
"Great acts are made up of small deeds." - Lao Tzu
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Player: Avalikia ~
Registered On: Nov 4, 2010 0:01:40 GMT -5 ~
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Post by Nina Stenet on May 15, 2011 20:46:44 GMT -5
It's hard for Nina to stay very upset with herself when she sees how happy it makes Edward - simply a matter of taking responsibility for her own feelings instead of letting him think that it's all because of him. And his words and kiss have her laughing a little herself, though not quite at the same thing: her as arrogant as him? Never! Though she supposes that she's closer than she likes to admit to herself.
When his smile disappears, so does hers and she listens carefully to his words, not knowing how much "But I can learn to not let it hurt me," she finishes for him, suddenly quite serious again, "Which won't be easy for me, but I can manage that." Frowning just slightly as she tries to find the right words, she adds, "I can't say that it will ever not bother me - even if I thought that was possible, I wouldn't want that. Like I said, that's asking too much. But I beat myself up over things that I shouldn't, and that's why it sticks with me. And if solving that makes you happy I'd do it gladly."
Having said that, she stops and gives Edward a look that's just vaguely questioning; is that enough? And does he need anything else before he can trust her? After all the trouble they both had to go through to get to this point, it seems too good to be true. But then again, they haven't even started talking about what needs to happen for her to trust him.
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2011 23:08:29 GMT -5
His face seemed puzzled when she spoke. She would do that for him? He slowly turned to face her expression. If she could be around him without him hurting her they could do this. He couldn’t stand being responsible for her pain. It drove him to the edge of insanity, which he preferred to stay away from since most citizens assumed he had already past that. Could she really be with him without getting hurt? She said could learn…she would try…
If she was willing to do it…then this could work. He couldn’t say he trusted her fully, but now that he knew he wasn't the cause behind her disappointed looks it gave him more evidence that she was trustworthy. She had no incentive to turn him in. Without that incentive he could trust her. He definitely trusted her more then he trusted anyone else, but…he could never fully rely on her. He never would. He would only rely on himself because every person has weaknesses they themselves don’t know about. He couldn’t allow Nina’s weaknesses to halt his life.
That didn’t mean he couldn’t be with her, quite the opposite actually. If Edward did trust her completely, he would push her out of his life just out of fear of making a mistake. This way he trusted her, but still trusted himself more. Trust, but verify, the tactic taken on by US during the Cold War, yes that fit his feelings very well at the moment. Actually, his exact feeling at the moment was happiness. It showed in the grin on his face.
“I do say that is quite a solution,” he said as his hand grabbed her hand in his. He rubbed his thumb gently on the top her skin. His eyes fell to the movement. What does this mean? They were going to try this again. He never had a woman in his life like this before. He had had flings, one nights, hench women, and of course ‘friends’ like Harley or Selina. But he never actually had a relationship with a woman. He never wanted to, but he wanted to with Nina. He wanted Nina. He wanted her in his life. Why? Why did one girl matter to him?
He played with Nina’s hand almost subconsciously as he spoke to himself, “I think I love her.” His eyebrows furrowed together at the thought, but what was love. Love was just a word that people used to justify being with someone. He definitely liked Nina. He definitely had feelings for her. He definitely wanted her in his life. Did that mean he loved her? He knew he loved her stubbornness and wit. He knew he loved her intelligence and her ability to stand up against him instead of letting him push her to the side. And even though her moral cage drove him insane, he loved that she had values she was willing to stand with. He turned to her with that confused face, completely forgetting that he had come to this conclusion when he was drunk. “I think I love you…” he paused, “Possibly…maybe…if…” His eyes fell to her lips.
“I should test it,” he smirked as a new idea form in his head. His free hand moved behind her neck and pulled her body towards him allowing him to kiss her fully on the lips.
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Nina Stenet
"Great acts are made up of small deeds." - Lao Tzu
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Player: Avalikia ~
Registered On: Nov 4, 2010 0:01:40 GMT -5 ~
Posts: 696
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Post by Nina Stenet on May 16, 2011 2:47:23 GMT -5
It's almost a relief for Nina to hear Edward calling it a solution - it must be enough for him then. It's very difficult and frustrating to forge past all of his absolute certainty in his own interpretation of everything, figure out what he has wrong, and explain to him why he's wrong without him quite realizing that's what you're doing. A part of her was worried it would go on forever.
She watches his hand touching hers for a moment, her own expression growing thoughtful as she idly reflects upon how different his touch is to her. It used to be... amazing to her, but now it's... not. Instead there's still that feeling of numbness, protecting her from getting her emotions hurt or entangled by someone she doesn't trust with them. But before she can figure out the gentlest way of saying so, his next words stop her. Love... She can overlook the doubt in his statement - it doesn't take a genius to tell that the man has trouble figuring out his feelings - but she had to wait a long time to him actually say the word. And then even a little longer to hear him say it without being very drunk. Even the numbness can't keep a small smile from creeping to her face.
But that's not enough to distract her from what remains unresolved between them, even as he pulls her into a kiss. And it would be easy for him to tell immediately that there's something wrong - her lips are reluctant, and it only takes her a moment to work up the nerve to put a gentle, restraining hand on his shoulder, knowing that's enough to get him to stop. "I'm glad that you can feel so... safe with me, Edward," she says sincerely once her lips are free, "But I can't trust you yet." Her voice is almost apologetic for feeling that way while he doesn't, but there it is. And letting him test that particular theory while that's the case would probably just cloud things even more for both of them.
"I need to know why it happened and that whatever caused it won't happen again before I can," she adds quietly, but helpfully. She's always been one to know her own mind, so of course she knows exactly what she needs before she can let herself start to trust him again. In fact, she started this conversation with Edward's side of things because she guessed that it would be more complicated. But just because her problem is simply explained doesn't mean that it doesn't need to be resolved too or that it won't be difficult.
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Deleted Member
Deleted
Registered On: May 3, 2024 16:53:56 GMT -5 ~
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Last Edit: May 16, 2011 11:22:42 GMT -5 by Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 16, 2011 10:53:03 GMT -5
Edward hadn’t considered the chance of being rejected because no woman ever rejected him or because Nina had yet to reject him. As he kissed her, he expected her to mold into his body as she usually did, so he was quite surprise when he felt a hand pushing him away. He reluctantly pulled away from her, the slight annoyance written all over his face.
He had just admitted something he had never told anyone since his mother, and she was rejecting him. A sharp pain hit his heart like a knife. He was stupid to think this could work. He was so stupid. His face turned away from hers as he pushed himself off the bed. His form straightened as he heard her words.
Safe with me….
That’s how she was describing this? Did she believe she threatened him? Hah. Not trusting her had little to do with being threatened by her. Not trusting her was just logical step in handling any person, and just because he ‘loved’ her didn’t mean he trusted her. Safe? Ridiculous! He closed his eyes trying to calm his anger, but the pain he felt from rejection only fueled. Why did he ever admit something so stupid? Why did he expect this actually work. What was happening to him? Nina was making him soft and causing him to make mistakes. He never made mistakes before.
He barely caught the rest of her words as he fought with his own thoughts. She didn’t trust him. Good, she shouldn’t. Only a fool would trust someone who put their own life above all else. As long as people were selfishly looking out for themselves, you couldn’t trust them.
Part of him wanted to leave, but he stayed stiff staring at the wall across from him. She wanted to know why he shot her. To prevent this very feeling right now, he thought to himself but kept quiet. Instead he turned to face her with an arrogant smirk he forced on. He wouldn’t let Nina see that he was hurt. She didn’t deserve that, especially after luring him in with false words.
“Nina, that’s simple. I was figuring out the riddle. The facts I knew pointed to betrayal. Batman never lets a lead get away. He usually threatens them by force, yet you walked away with no scratch. I also knew by your looks and your moral values that you explained to me often that you don’t like my career choice. You probably rather have me caged then off on the streets continuing what I do. Is it such a far thought to believe you would help the Batman in order stop me? But then again, you said you loved me,” he couldn’t control the eye roll that followed. If she loved him she wouldn’t reject him like this. “And part of me believed that but the more logical side didn’t, so I decided a test was in order. If you really were helping the Batman you would disarm me. If you really loved me you would sacrifice your life for me.” His smirk grew, “Simple, yes?”
And that was what love was for Edward, if he were to ever give a meaning to it. It was acceptance of the other person including their flaws and the willingness to do anything to protect that person including your life. It was one of the reason he never said the words because it was such a large commitment. But what did Edward do…he stupidly said them to her who obviously had a very different definition of love.
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Nina Stenet
"Great acts are made up of small deeds." - Lao Tzu
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Player: Avalikia ~
Registered On: Nov 4, 2010 0:01:40 GMT -5 ~
Posts: 696
~ Relationship Status: Single
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Post by Nina Stenet on May 16, 2011 15:51:05 GMT -5
Nina could tell that Edward was hurt - if he hadn't taken taken it that way then he would have, at the very least, waited for her words before getting up and turning away. And really, it had taken a bit of a mental struggle for her to even want to stop him, let alone to actually do it. It isn't until he turns around that she's able to dismiss the unhappy feeling that it caused.
But she perks up a bit and listens carefully while he explains, glad that he's willing to be patient with her, though her thoughtful look comes with a frown. "I don't know why Batman didn't try to threaten or force me," she comments first, "Perhaps he's been able to deduce enough about my power to know that I could stop him from doing that, or that, if anything would have worked, it would have been the question he asked." She shakes her head, leaving it at that - she's not going to presume to believe that she can figure out how Batman's mind works.
Instead she focuses on the rest of what Edward said. "I can understand why you would have doubted me," she says first, "But can you understand that it's no comfort to me to know that it was worth my life to you to get the proof you needed when I know that you could have figured out a way to get it without risking it? At the very least, you could have made me think that I was going to die instead of actually shooting me - I don't think that I'll ever really believe that you wouldn't again. But that's just what I can think of: I'm sure you could do a lot better." That last part is said with complete certainty: it was the fact that Edward has that level of intelligence that made her fall for him in the first place.
Realizing that she's ranting, she comes to the point, "While I can try to avoid doing anything to give you reason to doubt me again, it would be naive of me to believe that I would always be successful. I'm sure I'll see Batman again at some point, for instance, and for all we know something much worse than that could happen. That's why I asked why you don't trust me: you didn't even give me the benefit of the doubt." There's just a hint of hurt in her eyes as she remembers the argument they'd had, but then again much has happened between them since then so things are just a bit different now. "Have I earned that now?" she asks simply. It all would have gone so differently if he hadn't assumed that she betrayed him.
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