I'm Fine, Really! [Joan]

[Heather Glass - VerMillion]

Heather has no idea exactly how much time passed between the Scarecrow's injection and when she first became fully aware that she was safely in a hospital room. Tied a bed to keep her from thrashing every time she's touched, or so they said. She doesn't remember any of that very much - no, what she remembers instead causes her to shake uncontrollably until she somehow manages to shift her mind onto something else.

The doctors kept on telling her just how lucky she is. Lucky? Yeah right! Just because the Scarecrow decided not to give her a big enough dose to make her lose her sanity? Just because they said they'd found a dart in her thigh with an antidote of some kind that they think was Batman's doing? No, if she was lucky then Scarecrow wouldn't have rear-ended her car. Or the FBI would have actually done something right. Or Batman would have gotten there sooner. No, she's not about to believe that she's lucky.

She didn't stay in the hospital for very long. After all, she didn't receive many physical injuries. They simply kept her under observation for a few days, and deemed her 'able to go home' when she didn't show any lingering signs of psychosis - as long as she's fully in touch with reality and not a threat to herself or anyone else they see no reason to hang onto her.

Not that she's 'okay' by any means. She startles at any sudden sound or movement, and it takes forever for her heart to stop racing after that. And any time her thoughts stray to the hallucinations she finds herself shaking again. And the nightmares are so bad that she prefers insomnia more often than not. And anything that reminds her of anything else that happened that night is avoided like the plague. She hasn't been back to her old apartment, and has absolutely no plans to ever do so again. Instead she's moved in with Kayla, one of her friends from college, who has been an absolute angel in helping her along.

Once that was all figured out, Heather could finally start to feel a sense of life going on again. One element that wasn't so easy to solve though was her work. Once she got out of the hospital she told them that she was sure that she's well enough to return to work, but then she was told that they wanted to get confirmation from a psychologist on that - they don't want to put someone live on the air without being sure that she can handle it. Which is completely unnecessary - Heather's done her show in difficult situations before. But no, they want an actual psychologist.

So very, very reluctantly Heather tracked one down. And this one does home visits, even! Quite convenient since driving makes her a bit nervous these days. She scheduled the appointment for when she knew that Kayla would be at work so that they could do this in private. And so that Kayla wouldn't bombard the psychologist with all her worries about Heather - which are well out of proportion. So she jumps at everything - who wouldn't after something like that? It doesn't mean that she needs therapy!

Hearing a sudden knock at the door, Heather startles. She takes a deep breath to calm her racing heart as she reminds herself that she was expecting company. Opening the door, Heather gives a forced smile. "Dr. Leland? Come on in," she says to the woman, motioning inside. As one would expect of an apartment rented by someone around Heather's age, the place is tiny. But the main area has a has a small living area with a couch and a mini-kitchen with a small dining table. Heather's old place was a lot larger and she was the only one living there, but this place is much better if only because it's a different place and she's not alone at night.

[Joan Leland]

Business wasn't exactly booming. There were certainly plenty of people who could do with help in the city but that didn't mean they went looking for it and even when they did Joan was fighting for competition with almost everyone she used to work with but the work trickled in thanks to a few advertisements here and there.

She was up to her elbows in her car's engine mostly just wasting time when she got the call from Heather, not that anyone could tell, she could sound professional at a moments notice. She'd had plenty of free time to be as flexible as needed in scheduling and as the address didn't sound like a trap she was more than happy to do a house call. A service she mostly offered to save her having to rent an office.

The case was definitely concerning, a few questions, a little research into the recent news reports and she had a rough idea of the events worked out. The Scarecrow. Purposely traumatising people in experiments and sometimes leaving them insane. Arkham might be closed but clearly the old patients and in this case ex-doctors were clearly up to the same old tricks.

It was pleasant out and the address wasn't too far from her own flat, she walked and saved a little money on gas. A quick check of her watch when she finally found the right door and she was satisfied, almost dead on time. Couple of minutes early, just perfect. She knocked and listens carefully, no obvious cries of fear, could be worse.

She immediately puts on a smile as the door opens by what's clearly a rather spooked young woman, even if she's trying to hide it and put on a brave face. She nods and enters "Thank you. You must be Heather, it's nice to meet you" if it were her domain she'd invite them both to sit down but in someone else's home that just seems plain rude, besides where she's most comfortable talking may not be where Heather is.

She took in the room, small but comfortable enough. Not a terrible area, hopefully Jon wouldn't be making things worse any time soon. Her attention shifted back onto Heather again. How the first few minutes go generally set the tone for the entire session. If they're open and talkative everything's very easy, if they're a little hesitant she just has to keep an eye out for things left unsaid. Insults meant it was going to be an uphill struggle and if the patient just plain tries to attack you, well then it's going to be a very long day.

[Heather Glass - VerMillion]

"Nice to meet you too," Heather says, attempting to be nice. In addition to her nerves, she just plain doesn't want to have to talk to this woman, but her arm is being twisted on that issue. There's a brief pause as they stand there before she realizes, "Oh, and you can sit anywhere." Great, her nerves are getting to her a little. She tries to force herself to relax, but it only helps her a little.

"I've... never had to do this before," she adds lamely, hoping that she's coming across as more awkward because of being in an unfamiliar situation than anxious or anything else that wouldn't look good to a psychologist. Never mind that anyone meeting her before could tell you that she's never been the awkward type. Never mind the dark circles under her eyes that hint at sleepless nights.

[Joan Leland]

Joan just smiles reassuringly and picks the couch as a nice comfy spot to settle in "Don't worry, most people have never done this before" if people are lucky they never have to. If they're Joan they've done it thousands of times, as a result even in the unfamiliar surroundings she's quite relaxed and at home.

She bought her bag with her and from it she draws a small notepad and pen but considering but considering Heather's nervousness she doesn't start writing just yet. Yes, Heather might not have said much but there were definitely things Joan could see already. She clearly hadn't been sleeping well if at all, that was something which needed to be sorted out quickly.

She gestured calmly to Heather with one hand "Why don't you just have a seat and start by telling me what happened?" Joan might have the basics down but even if she knew everything it was better to hear it from the patient. See what they focused on and what they didn't want to talk about. Heather obviously didn't want to be there but Joan was rather used to a lot more vocal expression of it so she still had hopes that it would go well.

[Heather Glass - VerMillion]

When Dr. Leland picks the couch, Heather settles herself on the other end of it, grabbing one of the pillows and holding it on her lap as she simply watches her get her things ready. Well, at least this woman seems nice - hopefully this won't be so bad. In fact, it's almost comfortable.

...That is, until she hears the question asked. She makes a face - part reluctance, part tiredness, and part grim acceptance. Yeah, it's probably too much to ask for hoping that she can be cured without talking about it. Not that there's anything to cure - she's just a little jumpy and has some trouble sleeping, not a big deal. But if she doesn't cooperate she doubts that this lady will tell WGGZ she's fine to return to work, so she takes a couple of deep breaths and forces herself to talk.

"Well, it started when I was driving to the store, a couple blocks from my apartment," she says, managing to settle into the story pretty easily once she's started. But the beginning isn't that difficult. "I stopped at a red light and the car behind me didn't slow quite fast enough, and hit the back of my car," she continues, "I got out to look at it, but it was a busy street and the light was about to change so when the guy in the other car waved over to a side street of course I followed him. But after we stopped and he got out I... well, I realized that I'd seen him before. See, back when the Scarecrow was last active I reported on him a couple times - I did a radio show back then. Still do, but a different station now. So I know what he looks like with his mask off - Dr. Crane. And I remembered everything they said he does to people - people dying or completely crazy. So I tried to run back to my car. But he was faster than me." She pauses, having to close her eyes for a moment, but she manages to set aside her discomfort and continue, "He wanted my keys and my cellphone, so I just handed him my purse. And then he said that we'd 'meet again', and he let me run away." The last part is a bit rushed as she simply tries to get the words out without thinking about it too much.

She stops there, needing a longer pause, and figuring that's a good place anyway. It's the whole first part of the story after all, even if it was fairly easy part compared to some of the rest.

[Joan Leland]

Uncomfortable though it makes people Joan prefers to get to the point and see how they deal with it. Yes she could skip around the reason why she's here, make friends and gain trust but if they never talk about the problem then they're not going to be able to deal with it. Sure she gets paid by the hour, her bank account would love it if she wasted time but she prefers to be helpful. If the patient can't talk about what happened at first then she'd consider it time to step back and ease into it a little more.

She watches Heather closely but appears very calm and patient. She mentally notes Heather almost relaxing but the pillow for a shield or reassurance makes her consider otherwise. She bets she could break that comfort just by making a sudden move but of course she doesn't actually try.

She waits quietly for Heather to begin and begins jotting down notes as the young woman talked. Things she'd noticed before finally went down on paper in addition to the key points of the story and things to follow up with afterwards.

She already had several ideas of what to look for, Jon's victims often followed the same patterns, even though her experience focused more on the criminals than their victims she'd had plenty of practice with the less dangerous too. They had to get their help somewhere after all and Arkham was just full of doctors.

She looks a little sorry when Heather stops, she can sense the reluctance to go on. It was something that shouldn't have happened to anyone let alone someone so young but she had to push on. It was better to get as much of the story as Heather could tell and then focus on the details "And then he came back" she says quietly after the pause has stretched out for a while.

[Heather Glass - VerMillion]

Heather makes a tense face at Dr. Leland's comment, but simply nods before she says, "I knew he would. That's why I went right to the FBI when I got away - I hoped that they'd be able to protect me. I told them everything, but all they did was assign two agents to follow me. I knew that wasn't enough, but..." She shakes her head and sighs, her hand rubbing against her face before she keeps going. "Sure enough a few nights later, I was in bed and I saw him sneaking around in my room. And he grabbed me, put a chloroform rag over my face. I tried to fight back, but..." she shudders.

"I woke up at Arkham. And he injected me with that stuff..." she manages, before one of her hands balls into a fist and covers her mouth while her eyes close. She goes silent as her whole body shakes for a few moments, unable to shove away the thoughts that brings to mind. But eventually the fit passes and she quietly adds, "When I came out of it I was in the hospital." Though the story is ended, at least as far as she can tell it right now, she isn't able to enjoy finishing. The thoughts about what happened between those two events keep threatening to take over again.

[Joan Leland]

Joan hides her disappointment in the FBI very well behind a straight face. They weren't even good at interfering anymore or had they just been trying to use Heather as bait? After the live execution she wouldn't put it past them.

She notes down the few things Heather says and her reaction. From the looks of things she hadn't just blocked out whatever she saw under the influence of the fear toxin, Heather might not agree but Joan counted that as a good sign. Repressed memories were just a pain.

Clearly she had to tread carefully though, whatever Heather saw was affecting badly and while she'd like to try and calm the woman down she's fairly sure in that mood she'd just scare her first. She decides to give Heather a moment and thankfully she snaps out of it on her own. Joan can relax again, Heather hasn't completely lost it so far.

She sets her pen down on the notepad, deciding Heather probably needs a little mental breather from the truly horrible memories "Alright, we'll deal with that in a little bit" when Heather had calmed down again as much as possible. She gets up but takes the notepad with her, she's not stopping, just refocusing "Would you like tea or something else to drink?" never mind that Heather was the one who lived there, she was the one who was going into shaking fits, the appearance of taking a break sometimes helped.

Whether or not she accepts Joan is making tea since it makes it all a bit less scary and official, plus tea would be nice anyway. It's not until she's put on the kettle and hunted out the mugs that she voices another question, one she hopes is a slightly less traumatic one and with at least some potential to providing a little background, perhaps even a hint to how Heather usually behaves "You said you reported on Jonathan Crane before, what had happened then?" she refuses to call him Scarecrow because that's just his insane little game, she also refuses to call him a doctor because he isn't anymore.

[Heather Glass - VerMillion]

It's that she can pull herself out of those fits without losing it that made the people at the hospital decide to release her rather than dumping her in a psych ward. She's actually coping quite well, all things considered.

Fortunately, Dr. Leland has hit upon what she needs right now - distraction. Heather visibly relaxes at the idea of a break, though she's still shaken up enough to simply say "Okay," to the offer of a drink of some kind. She hardly cares what it is, and doesn't even pause to think it's odd that the woman is making tea in what's technically her place.

And she's quite correct in assuming that the question she asks isn't such a difficult one. It does relate to the Scarecrow and he's a more touchy subject than he used to be, but the old reports are just that: old. And she's well accustomed to keeping herself detached from the news stories she reports on top of that - if you get too emotionally invested in all of that then you can't do the job for very long.

"I looked into quite a few things, actually - back then my show was only once a week so I had to pick and sometimes he wasn't the most interesting that week," she explains. An unfortunate reality of Gotham: frequently more than one rogue is active at once. Even with her daily show she sometimes has to pick. "But one I did report on was when they started finding a string of 'test subjects' - they think he was testing something new with his toxin or something, because there was a few people found one right after the other - two of them dead and the third completely... gone mentally. And another report I did was after he'd robbed a lab for equipment - he gassed the people who were inside," she describes, before frowning and shaking her head.

She knows that a part of the reason why her own experience was so difficult for her was because she knew the entire time what could happen to her. Had she gone into it blissfully unaware of the peril she was in, it might have been less... scary. Then again, for all she knows the Scarecrow would have been harder on her if she was harder to frighten - but that's a question that seems pointless to try an figure out. She should just be glad that she's still alive and pretty much sane and be grateful for that.

[Joan Leland]

All things considered, Joan would agree. She is doing far better than she could be.

Joan nods a little as she makes two teas and listens to Heather. It's sad to think Jon had done such things so many times she can't even begin to narrow down when that would have been despite trying to follow news on criminals as closely as possible.

She glances up from tea making after a moment and considers her words before she starts talking "The thing with Jonathan Crane is on his own he's not scary. Creepy certainly and clearly insane but the reason why he's feared is because of his fear toxin. Take that away and he's mostly just a lanky twig with a mask and a voice changer" she doesn't think much of him and she's purposely trying to undermine his work for good reason.

She knows there's more to Jon than that really, he can fight and he doesn't seem to care if someone lives or dies so long as they're afraid. Without the chemicals he could still scare people but it would likely take more effort and it was his toxin which made him seem inhuman and made his name as the Scarecrow.

The tea construction finished she brought it over and offered Heather a cup but once she's sat down she still doesn't return to the subject of what happened just yet "How have you been doing since then?"

[Heather Glass - VerMillion]

Heather frowns immediately at that and says, "He's also bigger than me, stronger than me, and faster than me." She shudders, trying not to think about how utterly helpless she'd felt the entire time. There's probably a rather large number of people in Gotham who wouldn't consider the Scarecrow too much of a physical threat, but Heather is just not one of them. She's a bit of a twig herself, and short on top of that. He could be entirely without his equipment, and even much of his fighting ability, and still be a very big threat to her.

She takes the tea and sips it idly, mostly just because it's in her hand, as she considers the question Dr. Leland asks next. It would be all too easy to lie and say that she's doing just fine, but she's guessing that she wouldn't be fooling anyone at this point. So she sighs and gives the truth - though she can't help but sugarcoat it. "Not so bad - I only really have problems when something reminds me of... what happened. And I'm a little jumpy but that's not such a big deal. Living here helps a lot; my friend Kayla had room and we've always gotten along. And my mom calls me a lot but my family is all in the Midwest so..." she says, trailing off before adding, "But I have a lot of friends in the area. People I met in college, mostly. They've all been very supportive." She smiles at that, really appreciating them all the more right now and glad that she has that element of her life in place.

"The only real problem is that they don't want me back at work until I get the okay from a psychologist," she explains with a frown. She'd never expected to have to say any such thing, as her mental status has never been questioned (except by a number of non-fans of her show), but here she is.

[Joan Leland]

Joan is quite pleased to hear Heather's thoughts on Jon, certainly she was scared of him but it was a more logical fear. The really bad cases could buy into his delusion and believe he was actually fear in human form "My point is he's just a man, his power comes from fears you already had" there's the hint that she's going to question those fears but still there's other points to consider and Heather still seems a little rattled. For now she can sip her tea and Joan nods along to her words.

It's all much what she expected and her pen does another little dance across the page as she drinks her tea. She was mostly confirming her suspicions of post traumatic stress, not unusual for those who came across Crane and didn't completely lose it "Have you been near your car, apartment and the road where you met him since then?" she couldn't blame Heather if she was avoiding the places, she certainly wouldn't suggest the woman stay in a place Jon already knows about but it was much like avoiding the subject, it doesn't really make the feelings go away any faster.

She smiled faintly, a little amusement showing for Heather's reason for calling her "That's alright, very few people talk to us unless they're mad to. How are you doing at work?" which very much side stepped the unspoken question of whether she was going to give an okay.

[Heather Glass - VerMillion]

Heather makes a bit of a face at Dr. Leland's first comment and simply says, "Yeah, I know that." She knows that there's a person behind every mask running around the city. The Scarecrow isn't some embodiment of fear, but he is an insane shrink and that's plenty bad enough on its own. An idea that was underlined ten fold when the man kidnapped her and locked her up in his own cell at Arkham. And she's also well aware that the man is not his fear toxin, and that the toxin is 'just' a drug that 'just' causes you to hallucinate. But knowing all that didn't make the whole experience any less terrifying, especially since she wasn't aware that she was hallucinating while she was hallucinating until she started coming out of it.

A small cringe crosses Heather's face at the next question. "Being in and around my car is fine," she replies, "Driving it, though... And no to the rest." Even thinking about going to where it happened makes her feel uneasy. She just knows that going there would make it impossible for her to not vividly remember all the things that she'd much rather not be thinking about. And those weren't even the worst parts - she hopes that she'll never have to set foot anywhere near Arkham again.

Her mood lifts a bit when Dr. Leland asks her about work. Her face even seems to consider the idea of a small smile as she says, "Being there hasn't been a problem. And the guys have been really nice to me about everything. Though they've been saying my sub is awful. Even though they aren't letting me get on the air I've been helping with research for the other news stuff. None of that really bothers me, but I'm kind of already used to not letting that stuff get to me. Enough crap happens in Gotham that if you did you couldn't report on it for long. I think they just don't want me on the air because they're worried I might freak or something." She frowns at that last part, hating all of this.

[Joan Leland]

More notes as Dr. Leland sipped her tea, the problem of how to try and help Heather began to run through her head, sadly there never saw a nice easy fix for this sort of thing. Well, maybe if Jon was dead but Joan's definitely not doing that to anyone, let alone those who were mentally ill.

She nods slowly, perhaps it would have helped had Joan ever actually tuned into Heather's show on the radio but it was just one of those things she'd skimmed over in search of a big of music or some less opinionated news. Had she known she'd be treating the DJ she'd have sat by the radio daily with a notepad.

While Heather says she's alright though, there is of course one flaw to the thought of her going back to work and Joan just has to point a big arrow at it "Your show was a call in one correct?...How good is the security there and what would stop Mr. Crane calling in?" partially she sounds curious. She has no idea what the process for putting callers on the air is, she assumes there's some screening to get rid of the wrong numbers, spam calls and really crazy people but she's never called one in her life. That said, if Crane found the station she doubts he'd stop at just having a chat but she doesn't want to drive Heather into hiding completely.

[Heather Glass - VerMillion]

Heather makes a face at the question, and there's a pause before she answers it. The idea that it's possible she'll see or hear from the Scarecrow again has of course crossed her mind, and that happening in any context is more than a little scary. "Yeah, and I've thought about that," she finally replies with a sigh, "A lot of the other news shows screen their calls, but I never have. Sure sometimes crazy people call in, but that's made my show sometimes." It probably really would have been helpful for Dr. Leland to have listened to her show before - she'd know exactly what Heather means by that. And she'd probably be surprised if she'd known Heather before all of this, compared her to the girl on the radio, and possibly suspect multiple personalities - she wouldn't be the first, even if the others were all mostly joking.

"Though even if I did, it'd be easy enough for him to call in. And we have some security there, especially as late as my show is - it's after open business hours. The building's locked, we have some security guys. Not enough to stop him though," she says with a frown, "But it's like... If he really wanted to find me, he could find me here. And it'd probably be easier getting in here." Her eyes shift to the window, and she shudders.

But the pause is very brief before she adds, "I suppose if I was on the air he'd know for sure that I was there. But I don't know that he has a real reason to come after me again. I mean, I think the only reason why he did the first time is because he wanted to mess with the FBI, he needed bait, and he ran into my car." Or at least that's what she sincerely hopes. The worry is definitely in the back of her mind though - you can't go through what she did and not worry. But though she hardly knows how the man thinks, it doesn't seem to be a part of his M.O. to go after the same person repeatedly. Then again, she's still debating with herself how to explain that he went to the trouble to give her a dose low enough to keep her sanity intact when he certainly didn't have to.