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Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2013 20:53:11 GMT -5
Although Shayera assured Rowdy that she was fine, he didn't stop his inspection of her hands. He was relieved to see for himself that she wasn't hurt physically, because that would've been a horrible way to end the evening. He could tell by her facial expression and body language that she wasn't too thrilled emotionally about breaking the beer bottle and leaving a mess on the counter, but the accident was one of many things that had happened that was making her first experience in his nightclub memorable . . . for them both, to say the least.
As Rowdy released his grip, Shayera's soft sigh caught his attention immediately. When she started speaking, she seemed to have calmed down quite a bit. At first, Rowdy thought Shayera was going to apologize to him and was all ears. But then she got confrontational again, which seemed to be her true nature. Rowdy didn't know if it was the fatigue talking or not, but he tried to keep an open mind and not dismiss what she was saying to him. Her use of the words "passive-aggressive" and "dramatic" pricked him a little, but he didn't show any reaction on his face. He was just glad that she was talking and wanted to get things out in the open.
Rowdy's eyebrows rose when Shayera asked him what she had done to upset him so much. Did she really want him to go there? He was tired, too, and didn't feel like getting into another argument with her.
"I thought you were the one who needed to talk?" he asked, trying not to sound defensive. "You want to know what pissed me off? Okay. Here it is: you reminded me of my mom."
As Rowdy ended the confession, he bowed his head, not in shame, but out of respect. There was a moment of awkward silence as he organized his thoughts. When he looked up again, he was all teary- eyed.
"My mom acted just like you. She was all tough and strong -- at least she tried to be. Sometimes I think if she had talked to somebody . . . anybody . . . then she wouldn't have committed suicide."
He gaged Shayera's reaction to see if he should continue or not. He decided to go for broke and drive it all the way home. What else did he have to lose? It already looked like the chances of developing a friendship with Shayera were slim to none. He blew air. Oh, well. He'd do better with the next guy or girl.
"I was fourteen. My mom ended her life by walking in front of a moving vehicle. I had no idea what she was going through - - how bad she actually felt prior to her suicide - - until it was too late. She felt abandoned by my Dad - - so alone.
"She was a great mom. She made sure I felt loved, even though she didn't feel loved herself. Depression and isolation led to her demise. Her perception wasn't reality; things were never as bad as she imagined them to be. She just felt like she didn't have anybody she could talk to - - someone who would truly listen to her. After the funeral, I swore to myself that nobody would ever feel that way around me again. I can honestly say I've kept that promise."
He took a deep breath and wiped his eyes.
"Sorry. I know you don't know me, and I really don't know if you want to get to know me any more or not. I know it's hard to open up to a total stranger, and I apologize for trying to coerce you into doing that.
"I see this place as a sanctuary - - for civilian, hero, and criminal alike. It's a place where they can let their hair down and be themselves. In time, they'll learn that they do matter. To me."
The next words that came out of Rowdy's mouth surprised him the most.
"Thank you, Shayera Hol. Tonight, you've reminded me of a lesson I learned a long time ago and forgot. In order to make a friend, I need to be a friend first. I'm sorry for not doing that with you."
Half-smiling, Rowdy grabbed a couple of large dishcloths from underneath the bar and began cleaning up the shards of broken glass on the counter top without saying another word.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2013 7:26:57 GMT -5
No, of course Shayera isn't going to apologize: she's not aware that she's done anything wrong. Well, except that he said that she has a 'mouth', but she's not sure what she said that would make him say that, and she's not one to apologize unless she's sure that she's sorry. And she says a lot of things that she wouldn't apologize for, because as far as she's concerned she's just frankly and honestly expressing her viewpoint, though she'd apologize if it turned out that the way she said it caused a misunderstanding. On the other hand, if he's gotten offended by something that she actually did mean then she's not sorry. Though if that's a bit jarring, at least on the plus side you never have to worry that she thinks differently of a person than she's said that she does.
"I never said that I needed to talk, you just seem to think so," she counters, not caring if she sounds defensive or not. But after having said that, she goes quiet as he suddenly opens up. Her eyebrows lift slightly as he mentions his mother, but her expression is for the most part unreadable beyond a certain thoughtfulness as she simply listens. She's actually a very good listener, if not a very responsive one - she's not one to nod and ask questions, preferring to indicate that she's listening by watching the person very carefully while they talk. And if staring at a person like a hawk isn't enough of an indication that she's listening, then she'd say that their standards are too high.
It isn't until he's completely finished that she responds. "Six things," she states, before listing them off, "First, I'm sorry about your mother. That really... there's got to be a better word for this than 'sucks'." She pauses for a moment, but seems to be unable to think of one so she simply continues. "Second, it's not my fault that I remind you of her, so if you're angry at me for that then you're not being fair. Third, I'm not your mother. I may have lost pretty much everything I care about, and of course I'm miserable about that, but it's the kind of miserable that reminds me to be more careful in the future. And though I don't wish to speak ill of your mother, suicide is the coward's way out. I'd never do that - it would go completely against my nature. I'm a fighter. Fourth, I know how hard it is to be open about things, so I need to say that I genuinely appreciate that." And the slight smile on her face as she says that indicates how sincere that is.
Though her expression abruptly switches to a frown when she adds, "Fifth, I must say that I've been nothing but myself the whole time that I've been here and you don't seem to like that at all." Her wings twitch slightly open at that, almost resembling a shrug, and her frown disappears. "And sixth, if I somehow managed to do something helpful, you're welcome. And you're forgiven - it would be hypocritical of me not to," she states, the slight smile returning at that.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2013 19:13:37 GMT -5
Rowdy took it on the chin when Shayera pointed out that she never said she needed to talk. Then he listened as she rambled off her list of six things she wanted to comment about. He appreciated her condolence concerning his mother, although he thought the word “sucks” was very appropriate in his situation. A slight smile appeared on his face as he nodded in agreement.
Her second and third points caught him off-guard. “Wait a minute,” he interrupted. "I said you reminded me of my mom - - your actions, not your looks. And I’m not angry about that. I’m angry that my mom committed suicide. We both know that hindsight is 20/20. All I’m saying is she should’ve talked to somebody, and she didn’t. I blame her, not you. You’re right; you’re not my mom."
He paused for a brief moment.
" I can’t help but wonder if she ever thought about how I would feel if she took her life. What she did was very selfish . . . and very cowardly.”
Rowdy was glad to hear that Shayera would never take her own life. She was a fighter, just like he was. In a way, he and Shayera had one thing in common: they were survivors. They had both lost a lot. The only difference was that Shayera was currently traveling down a road Rowdy had walked years ago. Rowdy understood that Shayera was trying to overcome, despite her losses. His heart went out to her.
Rowdy was grateful for Shayera’s openness with him, and he was glad to hear that she had been herself the entire time. When she said he didn’t seem to like that, he had to comment.
“I’d be lying if I didn’t say that part of me hopes you have a lighter side, but if you don’t, that’s okay,” he confessed. “I can't stand fake people. I’m more of a carefree, happy-go-lucky guy myself. That’s who I am, and that’s all I can be. The same goes for you. If you’re a more private and serious person, I can accept that. It’s just the way it is.”
Rowdy was relieved when Shayera accepted his apology and said she forgave him. Her slight smile gave him hope that maybe he’d see her lighter side one day. Or perhaps there was a chance that he’d help her develop one . . . .
With that, he looked at his watch and noted the time. “I thought you were a Hawkgirl, not a night hawk,” he chuckled. “Isn’t it way past your bedtime?”
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Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2013 5:22:37 GMT -5
"No, I got that - it's not my fault that my actions remind you of her," Shayera replies, sounding tired, "And that they made you angry at me, apparently." It's not her fault if he has a problem with people who are depressed but don't want to talk about it - as far as she's concerned that's a perfectly acceptable way to be about it, especially since she knows that she'll feel better once she's had more of a chance to just... sort things out on the external level. She's already had enough of internal reflection and that sort of thing - way too much, actually - and it wasn't that helpful.
Frowning thoughtfully as Rowdy expresses more of his thoughts about his mother, she comments, "I don't think that it's possible for someone to commit suicide - at least not for that reason - if they're in their right mind. She probably thought that you wouldn't miss her, or that you'd be a little sad for awhile, but then get over it. If she'd known how you'd really feel I doubt she'd have done it. People with hope don't kill themselves." And if that sounds like she knows what she's talking about, she does. This isn't the first time that she's traveled down this road, actually, though she doesn't recall the other times being this hard. Probably because there's so much blame she can place on herself for it this time. But even if she's more heavily burdened this time, she remembers the way she needs to go.
As he comments on her apparent lack of a lighter side, she actually smirks a little. "Hmm, unfortunately, you get my 'awake in the middle of the night because I can't sleep' side right now. It's not my best side. But I have a lot of sides - the side you see in the news, for instance. That's also me being myself," she comments, a smile tugging at her face as she reflects on how the media tends to portray her - she's not the most powerful of the superheros physically, but people know of her fighting spirit and she's not displeased by that at all.
"But as for my lighter side - I have one. I have a good sense of humor and I love a good party. I just... haven't felt it much lately," she confesses, "Partly because I took a sabbatical, to find myself, and I didn't." Giving a frustrated grimace at that, she adds, "But that's why I came to Gotham - it might help me with... all of this." Or at least she can hope. It has a much better chance of working than where she was before, because that wasn't doing much of anything.
She makes a face when he points out the time, and she laughs lightly as she comments, "If we're talking nocturnal, I'd much rather be an owl than a nighthawk." After all, an owl is large bird and often a top level predator, while a nighthawk is a small insect eater that - while it's quite agile and swift - just doesn't have the grace and power of an owl. But trust Shayera to know very acutely the differences between the two and have a strong preference, though at least the laugh indicates that she's not offended. She actually prefers eagles over hawks, but that's not what the media started calling her, and hawks are noble enough in their own right for her to still take that as a compliment. "And yes, it is, but try telling my mind that," she adds, then sighs as she says, "But I should go home and try again."
There's a pause, during which she frowns before asking, "Mind if I ask you for a favor? You don't have to if you don't want to."
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Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2013 16:32:28 GMT -5
Rowdy braced himself as Shayera began lecturing him on owls and night hawks. Obviously, she had no inkling of what he had meant when he called her a night hawk - - a person who habitually is active late at night. He had meant it as a joke, but he should’ve figured out by now that she took everything so damn literally. To avoid rolling his eyes, Rowdy began thinking of other avian-related terms he could call her. “Early bird” and “Tweety” were the first two that came to his mind.
Rowdy almost laughed out loud when Shayera said she had a sense of humor. Okay. He’d have to take her word for it. In her current physical state, he believed her sense of humor was so dry that no amount of beer she drank could ever saturate it, but he didn’t dare tell her that. He had avoided her mace in his face so far that evening, and he intended to keep it that way.
Rowdy kept pondering Shayera’s latest comments about suicide. Yes, he agreed that people with hope don’t kill themselves, but suicides happened every day. For those people, life was so bad that it drove them to death’s door . . . and through it. Before they took that last step, they’d lost all their hope.
Rowdy knew that people in that frame of mind aren’t rational. For them, their perception is reality, and, of course, another person wouldn’t understand unless he or she was looking at the world through their eyes. Rowdy wasn’t making an excuse for his mother’s actions, but he never thought for one second that she had lost her mind.
Had Shayera actually heard what he’d told her earlier? Had she really listened? She suspected him of having mental powers. Okay, that was all fine and dandy, but had she fit the puzzle pieces together? Everything he’d shared about his mother had been insight, not speculation. He had been channeling his mother’s emotions when she killed herself. He felt her die! He knew exactly what was on her mind and heart during the final few seconds of her life. Although the memory of her feeling frustrated, depressed, abandoned, lonely, and worthless still haunted him to this day, now all he wanted to do was let his mother rest in peace.
Speaking of resting, it seemed like Shayera’s sabbatical had been everything but restful. In her own words, she was still “finding herself”, and that sounded pretty heavy to Rowdy. From his own experience, personal journeys like that were not only taxing and draining physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well. And if her mind never rested, like he assumed from what she had already revealed to him, it was no wonder she stayed fatigued.
Rowdy nodded when Shayera said she should go home and try to get some rest. “I think that’s a great idea,” he agreed. “Try to rest your mind, too, okay? Yes, my concern is genuine. I know what I’m talking about because I’m the same way. Sometimes I just can’t shut down mentally either.”
Rowdy’s eyebrows shot up when Shayera asked him for a favor. “I don’t know if I’ll want to or not,” he replied playfully. “Tell me what it is, and you’ll be the second person to know.”
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2013 9:27:17 GMT -5
No, of course Shayera hasn't 'fit the puzzle pieces together'. She's a smart woman, but she can only come to conclusions based on information that she actually has - nobody can even begin to put together a puzzle when they only have a few pieces. She may suspect that he has mental powers, but she can't know how strong they are or what kind - even if she knew, specifically, that he can read minds there are a lot of variations of that and she's well aware that there's a great diversity. And she wouldn't have any idea what it's like to have such powers either, not having experienced it or even really thought about what it might be like very much. So of course she has no idea of the circumstances surrounding that event. No, all she sees is a man who is upset by his mother's suicide, and who doesn't seem to be more upset than any other man might be in the same situation, so she is treating him exactly the same way she'd treat anyone in a similar situation. To expect more of her is to expect her to be a mind-reader herself.
And to expect her to not think of the bird when he said nighthawk is also expecting too much. She may have an excellent command of the English language for someone who has only spoken it for five years, but it's not like she knows it as well as a native speaker - especially not if he's going to use a very rare variant of an idiom. And even more especially since she was naturally very inclined to learn about the various birds on this planet in her freetime, as they remind her of the wildlife of her homeworld - they're beautiful! If he can't cut her the same sort of slack that one would naturally give to a foreigner, he's in for a lot of frustration - after all, she's not merely from a foreign country but another planet entirely.
Of course her current mental state isn't exactly ideal at the moment. Because no, her break from most of the world wasn't restful - at least not mentally. It was hard, frustrating, and it certainly didn't feel like it did very much for her. All it did was make her restless and unsatisfied - though perhaps that was helpful at least in that it showed her that this is a problem that can't be solved by hiding from the world.
When he agrees that she should head home she makes a small murmur of agreement, even if she isn't exactly looking forward to it. When you've had far too many restless nights, the last place you feel like being is in bed. But she's committed to being up with the sun in the morning, and though she can push on even with too few hours of sleep, she still needs every hour she can get.
Having not expected him to just blindly agree to anything she asks, she looks mildly amused as she says, "I didn't decide to become a superhero because I wanted to become famous. I did it because I'm capable of it and I enjoy the work. But fame comes along with it and has its price: having a pair of seven foot wings coming out of your back is enough to draw attention - having a following on top of that means that being in public can get... tricky. But like anyone sometimes I just want to go out and get a drink or something - it's probably even good for me to get out of my apartment and be around people. But the place I used to go is... not available. And it's hard for me to find a good place - I've been kicked out of bars before because the owner decided to blame me for the way people react to me: sometimes they're fans who get upset when I'm not in the mood to talk to them, and some people are just plain prejudiced against aliens or superheroes or whatever their beef with me may be. So the favor that I want is for you to be on my side if I decide to come here again." Because how the owner of an establishment acts when there's trouble really makes or breaks the situation for her. And most of them handle it poorly, sadly.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 7, 2014 19:57:31 GMT -5
Rowdy listened to Shayera, noting that she looked mildly amused. He tried putting himself in her place and imagined being from another planet and living among Earthlings who, in many ways, were primitive and inferior to the Thanagarian race. Somehow, Shayera had survived on Earth this long, and he conjectured that she’d probably be around for a long time to come, unless she met her demise in some form or fashion. Although he hadn’t read her mind, he knew she was a survivor. Her words tonight concerning her journey thus far bore testimony to that fact. At the end of the road, she’d find herself. He just hoped she would like that person.
Yes, Hawkgirl was a hero - - for the right reasons. Rowdy felt that she didn’t have to explain anything to him, but then he figured maybe she needed to. For whatever reason, he didn’t interrupt her and let her express herself. He got the impression that she would stay out of the spotlight if she could, but fame -- and her seven-foot wings -- drew attention to her, especially from the media. That was normal and something she couldn’t help.
He agreed that everyone deserved a private life. He also believed that Shayera shouldn’t be subjected to a life of isolation or seclusion, just because she was an alien. Heck, Superman was an alien, too, but he had established a great reputation all over the world. Hawkgirl had been trusted, as well, until her fall-out with the Justice League happened. Rowdy was aware that some people still respected her, while others didn’t. Oh, well. To each their own. It was still a free world, until the next invasion . . . .
Rowdy smiled at Shayera before he spoke. “People are people. Some can be cordial, and others are just plain jerks. No worries. You are welcomed here, Shayera Hol. Rowdy’s will be to you what it is to all people - - a safe haven where you can let your hair down – and your wings - - and be yourself. I could be wrong, but I don’t anticipate any trouble from you, and if your presence here bothers others, they can just go somewhere else. Now, if you're the one who starts trouble, I’ll show you the door, too, but I don’t expect that to happen.”
He shifted his eyes nervously.
“Does that answer your question?” he asked sheepishly. “I don’t know what you experienced in the past, but you don’t have to worry about being blamed for anything you didn’t start. You have my personal invitation. I want you to come back and visit, okay? And I want you to enjoy yourself. If that means drinking a beer while sitting in silence, so be it. For the record, though,” he added with a wink, “I love to dance.”
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Post by Deleted on Jan 8, 2014 6:28:36 GMT -5
Honestly, there are quite a few benefits to being in the spotlight. And she certainly does nothing to avoid it, either. Being known means that you have a reputation, which means that she doesn't have to go around explaining who she is, what she does, that she can be trusted if you're on the right side of the law, and that if you're on the wrong side of the law you should just give up when she shows up - all of that is helpful. And even though her recent split with the Justice League, time away from the spotlight, and change in costuming has the general public wondering what's going on, it only takes most people about two seconds to decide that she's still the same old Hawkgirl and treat her as such.
It's only when she's not being Hawkgirl and would rather be Shayera that it becomes a problem. In fact she finds the ability of so many of the others, even other aliens like Clark, to be able to blend in almost a bit unfair. There are so many times she'd like to be able to simply hide in plain sight like that, but she simply can't. Instead she's gotten used to being on a planet where almost everyone considers her to be unusual, at least until they get to know her and get used to it. It's not like she has much of a choice in that - well, except that she could always move to a planet that's been exposed to aliens for long enough that they don't consider them to be strange anymore, but she's not really interested in getting that kind of a 'fresh start' - she'd rather be somewhere that's familiar to her.
Right now, especially - however she finds herself, she doubts that leaving her past behind will help her with that process. Her past, even the parts she's ashamed of, is a part of her. Those 'bad' parts are lessons that she's learned from, allowing her to do better in the future.
She can't help but smile as Rowdy speaks, and she even lightly laughs as he speaks of her starting trouble. "If I start trouble and I'm not shown the door, I'd lose all respect for you," she says, smiling even though she's completely serious. She'd never ask for special treatment in that regard, only fair treatment - though of course she doesn't anticipate doing anything to deserve being kicked out. But she certainly wouldn't say that such a thing isn't impossible.
Her smile only grows at the rest of what he says, and she responds rather simply by saying, "Then you probably have a new regular - especially if you find some beer with a little more kick to sell me." There's a pause before she adds, "And I love to dance too - but I haven't had many opportunities to try it human style..." she says, letting that trail off before adding, "But I should go now - I can't let the insomnia win."
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